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Jeff
冬夜 The Winter Night

Kim again has problem in getting her poems in here.  The following line was inspired by our conversation and her poem.  A good exercise to translate it into English and better still to cap it as well...

 

殘月殘冬梅不殘

冬夜 The Winter Night

Kim
 
夜幕降临灯渐亮,
Evening closes in, lights turn on gradually.
星光闪烁巷皆空。
Stars are shining, nobody walked in the streets.
独酌一盏相思泪,
I drinking alone.
邀月同欢度残冬。
Inviting the moon through the rest of winter.
 
 
Jeff

冬夜 The Winter Night

夜幕降临灯渐亮,Evening closes in as lights began to light up turn on gradually.
星光闪烁巷皆空。Stars are shining but nobody walked is in the streets.
独酌一盏相思泪,Here I drinking alone with tears in thought.
邀月同欢度残冬。Inviting I shall invite the moon through the rest of to be my winter drinking companion.

 

A more literal translation would be,

 

The night curtain descends as lights begin to glow/shine.

Bright are the stars but the streets are empty.

Alone, I drink a cup with teary thoughts.

I shall invite the moon, together we pass the crippling winter.

Dec 17, 2012 8:37 PM
Comments · 5

You can also translate the last line as,

 

The invited moon, my boon companion through the waning winter.

December 19, 2012

Exactly, I tried serveral times to fit "invitation' in the last line, but failed. Uhm... I think maybe I need to make a minor change to make it look better. 

 

Rejoicing With the invited Moon, through the waning winter. So 邀(inviting) and 同庆 (rejoycing together) are gonna be translated with nothing ommited.Smile

December 19, 2012

The dimming sky, brightening lights.

The twinkling stars but empty streets.

Excellent semantic translation.  However, in the last light, I see no translation of "invitation".  Translation should contain as much as possible of the keywords of the original and if omitted, the meaning must imply that idea.  Your first three lines fulfilled such a requirement.

December 19, 2012

Dimming Sky, Brightening Lights.

Twinkling stars, Empty streets.

Drinking alone, with tears of lovesickness.

Rejoicing with the Moon,  through the waning winter.

December 19, 2012

This night in Iran is the longest night ( shabe yalda) :)Smile

December 17, 2012
Jeff
Language Skills
Chinese (Mandarin), Chinese (Cantonese), Chinese (Other), English
Learning Language
Chinese (Mandarin), Chinese (Cantonese), Chinese (Other)