I shall be writing a detailed explanation and translation notes soon.  Then it will be more fun when we discuss and have different opinions.

I commend you for your efforts!  The meaning of the first line is passable while the 2nd may not reflect accurately what its intention was.  However, this is OK since there is no context in which this two lines reflect :)  Hold on we shall start discussing the translation in depth when others have tried their hands.

It can be done but it may not give the exact sentiment.

Snowflakes are floating densely, leaving the prunus-mume flower hidden from my eyes;

Breezes of fragrance, however, remind me that they are blossoming secretly around-a scene, thought wonderful, does not need to be found.