Shawn
Community Tutor
How to Be a Smartass in American English

These are just a few ways to mess with people's minds and to be a smartass. I am not claiming that any of these are funny but they definitely will annoy people. Hehehe


to eat / food

 

Mark: What is there to eat?

Steve: Food

Mark: No crap. I mean what kind of food is there to eat?

Steve: The kind you buy at a grocery store.

Mark: Oh my God. Shut up!

 

to give

 

Mark: Can you give me a kiss?

Anna hands him a piece of chocolate.

Mark: What's this? A Hershey Kiss?

Anna: Yes, you wanted a kiss. Hehehe

 

Mark: Can you give me a ride to work?

Anna writes "ride to work" on a sheet of paper and hands it to Mark

Mark: Ha ha ha. You know what I meant!

 

to lay versus to lie

 

Americans always say "I need to lay down.", "I need to lay in bed.", "I'm laying in bed.", etc. when they actually mean "I need to lie down.", "I need to lie in bed.", and "I'm lying in bed.", etc. This is just something you need to accept even though it technically is the wrong word.

 

Mark: I need to lay in bed.

Adam: Lay? What are you, a chicken? Are you going to be popping out some eggs under the covers?

Mark: Ha ha ha. You know what I meant, you ass.

 

to place

 

Mark: Can you place this on the table?

Steve writes the word "this" on a piece of paper and places it on the table.

Mark: You ass, I meant this book. Not the literal word!

 

to remind

 

Mark: Can you remind me to set the alarm clock?

Steve: Set the alarm clock later.

Mark: I didn't mean now! I meant later!

 

right versus correct

 

Mark: Should I turn left at this light?

Steve: Right.

Mark: Wait. Right as in correct or right as in the direction?

Steve: Right.

Mark: OMG. Say yes or correct and not right!

 

to take out

 

Mark: Can you take the dog out?

Steve: Ok, where's the shotgun?

Mark: What?

Steve: You said to "take out" the dog and I don't have a firearm on me.

Mark: Ha ha ha. Very funny. You know what I meant!

 

To take out the dog means to bring the dog outside so it can go to the bathroom there instead of indoors.

 

To take someone out means to kill them. For instance, gangsters will take out someone for not paying them, etc.

 

To take someone out also means to go on a date with someone, so Steve could have also said, "Sorry, but I strictly date humans only." to be a smartass.

 

to tell

 

Mark: Can you tell me where he is?

Steve: Where he is.

Mark: What?

Steve: Where he is.

Mark: Oh shut up! I didn't mean to literally tell me "where he is"!

Jul 2, 2014 2:34 PM
Comments · 19

Driving to a destination:

Mark:  Which way from here?  Left?

Garry:  Right.

Mark:  Oh, ok. Right.

Garry:  No, left

Mark:  But you said right.

Garry:  No left.

Mark:  Oh, right.

Garry:  No, left.

Mark.  Right!!!!

Garry:  Let me drive.

 

 

July 4, 2014

wkkwwkkkwkw my favourite is to lay versus to lie wwkwkk

July 7, 2014

Great for nagging parents

July 7, 2014

Hahaha Too funny. It is definitely way less offensive but you can still tell the person is being rude. Lol I love it. Hahahaha :)

July 6, 2014

Is it really ok to use the word smartass or badass? Would it offend someone if say that word?

July 6, 2014
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