HYEOKMIN KWON
For native English speakers. Can you help me?

Describe your first mobile phone you bought
-when you got it
-how you got it
-what you used it for
And explain how it affect and change your life

Let me describe about the very first mobile phone I bought and that was my Samsung AAA model. It was the latest model at that time so I was so eager to buy one.
I got this phone several years ago in a Samsung shop near my area. In fact, it was my birthday gift from my parents. It costed me around 300 dollars to purchase that phone since it was a brand new one. My parents decided to buy me one so that they can reach me in times of emergency. Unfortunately, I tried to overuse it and I ended up using it to text my classmates and friends. I spent most of my time calling and chatting with all of them even on study time. As a result, I didn't use much of my time wisely. Later on my grades fell down without me noticing it. Supposedly, this phone should gave me more advantages because I can reach people easily anytime I want to and the same thing for them. But more than that, it brought some negative effects as well. My study habits and academic standing suffered a lot since I had this phone. So that was my Samsung AAA model, the very first mobile phone I ever had.

 

∙ Do you like birthday celebrations?
-Generally, like most people, I like birthday celebrations because it's the best time to celebrate with good foods, drinks, long hours of chatting and fun as well.

 

Are there any grammatical errors ? or Can you correct to be naturally?

Jul 9, 2014 1:21 AM
Comments · 2

Let me describe the very first mobile phone I bought. It was a Samsung AAA model. It was the latest model at that time so I was so eager to buy one.
I got the phone several years ago in a Samsung shop near my area (You may want to say "house" instead of "area"). In fact, it was my birthday gift from my parents. It cost around 300 dollars to purchase since it was brand new. My parents decided to buy me it so that they could reach me in times of emergency. Unfortunately, I overused it and ended up using it to text my classmates and friends. I spent most of my time calling and chatting with all of them even during study time. As a result, I didn't use my time wisely. Later on, my grades fell without me noticing. Supposedly, this phone should have given me more advantages because I could have reached people easily anytime I wanted to. But more than that, it brought some negative effects as well. My study habits and academic standing suffered a lot since I had this phone. So that was my Samsung AAA model, the very first mobile phone I ever had.

 

Generally, like most people, I like birthday celebrations because it's the best time to celebrate with good food, drinkchat for long hours and have fun as well.

 

 

July 11, 2014

Thank you so much for your correction !

July 11, 2014
HYEOKMIN KWON
Language Skills
English, Finnish, Korean, Norwegian
Learning Language
English