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Jaspal Singh Bal
Everyone is Beautiful: When we start to look beyond the flesh

People are very beautiful we just need to understand, everyone is fed up of religion, man made creeds, corrupted governments, selfishness, abandoned, fake promises, struggle, poverty, fake smiles, pretendness( show off) and this list never ends, but we have to accept people as they are and don't need to convert them, what will convert them is our love, our true love will mend them into a new man who does not care about other things than to be happy.. because this new person does not let anybody's action influence on him, whether there is anything happen, he will not let go hope.


Hope is a good thing, may be the best of things and no good things should ever dies. ( The Shawshank Redemption)


My friend once said, it does not matter how you begin, where you born in poverty or in palace.. the things when you die what you will be. so beginning may not be extraordinary but the climax in our hand, how we want it should be end.

Nov 22, 2014 4:47 AM
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Comments · 2

Jaspal Sing Bal:

 

     Your statement  contains a contradiction.   It argues against converthing people,  but then follows with an argument for ....converting people.

 

    It is important to write in a manner that is consistent.  One does not want to inform readers that nobody needs to be converted, followed by statements about converting people.

 

    Also,  you discuss  something  about people and you write

"our true love will mend them into a new man"; but that does nothing to show:

 

(a)    Why any man needs "mended" or what "mending" is.

(b)    That   your love is "true".

(c)     That your "true love" has factually been shown to exist in a Cauasal Relation to any

natural phenomena in existence.

(d)    What you publish is a "man made  creed".

 

     If you want to write objectively, you  also need to distinguish when you should write in the first person singular  and indicate "I" as an author.  When you employ   first  person plural possessive, as appears in your use of "our" you need to demonstrate what collective or plurality of persons you are the agent for.

November 22, 2014

Thank you Sir Bruce, I am learning :) will keep your advise in my mind.

November 22, 2014
Jaspal Singh Bal
Language Skills
English, Hindi, Other
Learning Language
English