Hi everyone, I had a question in mind that i would be pleased if you help me with it.
The problem is i'm not a talkative person,I mean in real world and espesially among strange people not my family or friends.
Some people believe that the ability to be quite and talk just in it's right time is as an art, it's not a bad thing at all and it was okay for me either but nowadays new enviroument forcing me to be more active, to be talkative but till now i couldn't adapt myself with these situation.
Did you have problem like this? what did you do about it?
Ok now I understand you more Vahid, I had the same experience in my classes during my studies and I used to feel speechless specially that i studied law which is a very dry subject and not as interesting as other things that people might want to discuss.
Speaking in front of the mirror and recording your own voice helps :) Try it at home and keep repeating what you wish to say the next day. The first time is always the hardest, but after that you'll stop thinking much and analysing everything you're going to say, speaking will become more natural to you.
If it's your choice to open any discussion in your English class for example; you might want to choose something you're interested in; like arts or travelling because speaking about it will be easier for you.
I know that what I'm saying is not easy for someone who simply don't like to talk, but this first step you're going to make will affect you all your life and the sooner you take it, the better for you.
As you said, listening alone in your English class is not enough, it might improve your listening but you need to talk also to improve your speaking.
Think about it Vahid, and don't let anyone push you to do it, your decision of speaking must come from inside you, otherwise you won't be convinced and you'll feel as if you have done something against your will. You better do it willingly and happily, so that you'll remember it with a smile all your life :)
Well, Vahid I only wish "not being talkative" is a problem!
The real problem is talking non stop! With certain people I'm ready to pay just that they stop for a moment and take their breath between one small talk and another! The agony of listening non stop to talkative people is something I can't describe!
I believe when you and someone else have something in common, you'll find it easy to talk. Silence in many cases is a virtue and better than one 1000 words that are meaningless and were only said just to kill the time.
As I understood, you're in a new environment where you see more people and you have to be more active, so how about listening? People think that listening is less important when in fact it's not. Listening itself is a kind of an art that silent people master the best. When thinking about talkative people in general, I always remember that they hardly listen to others, so by listening to them I think you'll be as active as you wish to be :) Good luck.
It is always nice if you can be comfortable in your own skin. I do love silence and hate to talk without reason.
So if you really need to change or adopt to the situation then simply fake it. There is no harm in doing that.You can observe them and then act like them. Being talkative and being active could be different things. For that you will need to waste lot of energy.
About me I don't fake it. I can use my strength - observe,listen and can easily adjust to active,talkative environment.
and with strangers it takes time to open up.
one thing to remember It's good to act like them for a while but don't forget who you really are.
I'm very shy too in reality,I rarely talk with strangers initiatively.I'm a person kind of quiet.everytime I need to force myself to communication with others always makes me uncomfortable,i'd like to be alone most of time.but I'm afraid to embarrass people,it's rude,I would say something to free them.I really admire the abilities of those who are Mr./Miss./Mrs./Ms.punchline can always have many jokes.I think we should talk more and more,maybe only will goes on its way.:-P
First of all thank you to all users who shared their opinons here.
Mumtaz, I'm completely agree with you and I'm okay with the fact that I'm a calm person and i'm saying something just when i asked for. It's not a bad feature and you're correct, talk continuously and too much is worse!
But you know there are some environment that you have to be talkative in order to become successful, for instance, one of these environment is my new English class. There are diffrent kind of people, with diffrent age and obviously I love English, I really looking for get better on it but i don't know what's wrong with me that even in such these class that i'm interested and I have it's basic knowledge, I am not able to reach to the peak perfomance that I expect from me.
In that English class, Some of the students easily say their opinion or even review other students, but whenever I want to say something suddenly my mind start to analyze everything, is this okay to be say in public? it isn't sort of behavior could be considered rude? am i sure to answer that guy question?
It's somehow my subconscious mind and most of time I can't prevent these thoughts. Listening is an art, of course you are right but imagine situation like this then, Can you just listen to others in an English class? of course even listen causes improvement in your English but you must speak either,
and I'm not afraid of making mistakes or talk with people who are better than me in English, so it's not about English skills or afraid of talk in second language. I have this problem even in my university classes sometimes and so on.... i just say English class as a example.