I won't add corrections but will comment as follows. The good thing about this essay is that you say you strongly agree in the introduction, you have two paragraphs to explain it, and then restate your opinion. The word count in your paragraphs is around 88/85/92/57 = 322. This is too many words, which is one reason why your paragraphs lack focus. Your introduction is almost the longest paragraph. It is better to aim for around 40/100/100/30 = 270. This will take less time to write and give you time to check your work. You know your first body paragraph is about scientists, and your second is about countries avoiding misunderstandings. If you mention these in your introduction it helps with coherence and it makes it easier for the examiner to follow. So we rewrite the question and give our opinion. For example By using the internet, information has never been more accessible by people all around the world. I strongly believe that because of the ability this gives scientists to cooperate, and the possibility to reduce misunderstandings between countries, this access to information is a force for good. (45 words) Body para 1 Body para 2 In conclusion, I am firmly of the opinion that sharing information on the internet aids scientists to work together and helps people in different countries learn from each other and so has a positive effect. (34 words) Pethaps try this type of idea next time!

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