Kseniia
Some people believe that celebrating personal events is a waste of money. Others feel that these celebrations play an important role in the lives of individuals and in society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. _______________________________ It is well known that celebration of private special occasions can be as impressive as expensive. While some people do not find these majestic events worth what they cost, others argue such celebrations play a significant role in both individual and social lives. I partly agree with both views and this essay will discuss advantages and disadvantages of celebrating personal events. On the one hand, the throwing some important ceremonies have myriad positives, such as strengthening relations between relatives and friends and preservation of traditional values. For example, a traditional Indian wedding lasts an average of three days and signifies the union of two souls. On the other hand, people these days tend to flaunt their wealth and take photographs their designer suits and jewelry gathering as much as possible likes and comments in social media. Moreover, oftentimes families borrow a loads of money to hold spectacular celebrations in grand style like marriage of their only son or daughter. According to the recent Federal State Statistics Survey report, roughly 34 percent of borrowed funds are aiming to holiday decorations, gifts, dressing and other expenses related to throwing wedding, birthday, anniversary and jubilee. Personally, I believe that small parties can be quite attractive and bring a lot of pleasure to heroes of occasions and their guests. To conclude, celebrations actually boost individuals' well-being, help to assemble close persons and they are a part of customs and traditions. However, it is foolish to spend astronomical amounts of money on individual events. Instead, people who have excess of money should consider donating some to poor and needy.
Feb 19, 2021 7:18 AM
Corrections · 7
Some people believe that celebrating personal events is a waste of money. Others feel that these celebrations play an important role in the lives of individuals and in society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. _______________________________ It is well known that the celebration of private special occasions can be impressive as well as expensive. While some people do not find these majestic events worth what they cost, others argue such celebrations play a significant role in both individual lives and society as a whole. I partly agree with both views and this essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of celebrating personal events. On the one hand, the throwing of some important ceremonies has myriad positives, such as strengthening relations between relatives and friends and preservation of traditional values. For example, a traditional Indian wedding lasts an average of three days and signifies the union of two souls. On the other hand, people these days tend to flaunt their wealth and take photographs of their designer suits and jewelry, gathering as many likes and comments on social media as possible. Moreover, oftentimes families borrow lots of money to hold spectacular celebrations in grand style like the marriage of their only son or daughter. According to the recent Federal State Statistics Survey report, roughly 34 percent of borrowed funds are spent on holiday decorations, gifts, clothes and other expenses related to throwing weddings, birthday parties, anniversarie and jubilee. Personally, I believe that small parties can be quite attractive and bring a lot of pleasure to heroes of occasions and their guests. To conclude, celebrations actually boost individuals' well-being, help to assemble close persons and they are a part of customs and traditions. However, it is foolish to spend astronomical amounts of money on individual events. Instead, people who have excess of money should consider donating some to poor and needy.
Hi I think this is too long to be able to correct everything! I got to anniversaries but it wouldn't let me add the 's' There is some good writing here but the main problem is whether you have answered the question properly. The question says 'discuss both sides' but in your introduction you talk about 'advantages and disadvantages'. You need one body paragraph saying why spending this money is a waste, and another saying why these celebrations are a good thing. Ideally these paragraphs should be about the same length so your essay is balanced. Also you need to support and explain your ideas. You say that ceremonies strengthen family relationships and preserve traditional values, but the next sentence doesn't explain this. Your paragraph about it being a waste of money talks about social media and borrowing money, but doesn't say why these are bad things. Do not include detailed statistics, you won't know them in the IELTS test (unless you make them up!) Your paragraph that starts 'Personally' is unnecessay, really it is part of the conclusion. The last sentence of your conclusion is unnecessary. So suggestions: The intro just needs to be two sentences. Rewrite the question and give your opinion. Balance your body paragraphs and explain and support your ideas. The conclusion can be one or two sentences. Rewrite the question again and give your opinion. Well done, I look forward to reading your next essay!
February 19, 2021
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