Noe Calle
The bar chart show us how Brazil’s economy is changing over the years. Firstly we can observe how the finance industry is growing steadily and that contrasts with the manufacturing industry which is decreasing steadily and the forecast to 2029 predicted that will hit a low of 5% by 2029. Secondly we observe that the food processing industry rocketed to 20% in 2019, that was two times the percentage of 2009, but it has to be mention that the forecast is that the percentage will go back to 2009 level by 2029. Finally we can see that oil&gas industry behavior is being quite erratic between 30% and 25%, and on the other hand tourism has dropped to 20% and forecasts predicts that’s hoped that the level remain constant by 2029.
Feb 23, 2021 1:21 AM
Corrections · 4
The bar chart show us how Brazil’s economy is changing over the years. Overall we can observe how the finance industry is growing steadily, which contrasts with the manufacturing industry which is decreasing steadily. ( this is enough for this paragraph, which is your 'overview'. Here you describe the two or three most important features without numbers) Firstly, looking at the figures in more detail (in the next paragraphs you include numbers) finance was just over 30% in 2009, and is expected to rise to about 42% in 2029, always being the most of the five sectors. This compares with manufacturing which stood at around 21% in 2009 and is predicted to hit a low of 5% by 2029. Secondly we observe that the percentage for the food processing industry doubled to 20% in 2019, but is forecast to go back to its 2009 level by 2029. Finally we can see that the oil, coal & gas industry fluctuated between 25% and 30%, while tourism dropped to just over 20% in 2019 from roughly 26% and the forecast predicts that the level will remain constant to 2029.
This was a good try and you had some good descriptions. This type of question with the past and the future is the most difficult. Task 1 writing needs 150 words, I think you had 134 but it is easy to get some more words. The structure should be: 1 Reword the question (including words from the cart, graph etc) 2 Overview - write about 2 or 3 key features without numbers. Trends, highest, lowest are common. Imagine you are telling someone about the chart. If you can only tell them two or three things, what are the most important ones? 3 & 4 Body paragraphs where you describe the information with numbers. If you look at the model answer for this question you will see that the overview is the last paragraph. This is ok but it is better as the second paragraph. Also the information they write about manufacturing is not totally correct! I look forward to seeing more of your writing! Good luck!
Feb 23, 2021 11:02 AM
The bar chart shows us how Brazil’s economy has been changing over the years. First we can observe how the finance industry is growing steadily, which contrasts with the manufacturing industry, which is decreasing steadily. The forecast for 2029 predicts that it will hit a low of 5% of the economy by that year. Second, we observe that the food processing industry rocketed to 20% in 2019, twice the percentage of 2009. It should be mentioned that according to the forecast the percentage will return [or revert] to its 2009 level by 2029. Finally we can see that oil&gas industry is behaving quite erratically, ranging between 25% and 30%. On the other hand, tourism has dropped to 20%, and the forecast predicts that its level will remain the same in 2029.
Feb 23, 2021 2:14 AM
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Noe Calle
Language Skills
English, French, Spanish
Learning Language
English