It's all Greek to me - Das kommt mir Spanisch vor. / Ich verstehe nur Bahnhof.
What the others above mentioned is not completely correct. However, in German we have a phrase which uses Chinese in kind of the same way.
When you talk to another person and, basically, you explain very simple things to him/her and that person does not understand at all, you will kind of angrily say
"Red ich Chinesisch oder was?" which would translate into "Do I sound like I speak Chinese? (or why don't you understand me?)". Literally, it's "Do I speak Japanese or what?".
But it's definitely not used for what you are looking for.