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Owen
This is my speech paper ,please give me some feedback! Thanks a lot! “We are reading the first verse of the first chapter of a book whose pages are infinite...” I do not know who wrote those words, but I have always liked them as a reminder that the future can be anything we want to make it. No matter what kind of difficulties I had met, no matter what kind of adversity I had met. There was some sort of strength supporting me , that is don't disheartened, whatever failures , I should persevere with it if I thought id to be right. “We are just beginning!” When I was 18 years old, I graduated from Technica School and became a member of Sinopec Anqing Company. In the first several years, the development of our enterprises faced unprecedented difficulties , I was extremely upset at that moment,“Is this going to be my lifelong career?”I thought. Our leader read my mind and said:” Walking can't just look at your feet, you should look forward future , we’re just beginning, the shortest answer is doing!, young man!’ Since then, I has begun to devote fully to my work and treat everything seriously. Well , I squeezed sometime everyday to study. I was working while others working; I was teaching myself after work others were having a rest or relaxing themselves. Meanwhile , company has begun to the transformation of system and mechanism, the promotion of restructuring and regrouping . Gradually, enterprises went out of the predicament, ushered in the spring of our own. Here’,Anqing Petrochemical Company everywhere is full of a vibrant scene, new towers sprang up like bamboo shoots after a spring rain. I am feeling a little sad when the thrilling sight of workers buzzing with their work untiringly, because my department will cancel in order to the development of enterprise. At the same time, that is a familiar words ringing in my ears again,” Today is only as a start, rather than the end of our work, we ‘re just beginning!” I want the future to be better than the past. I don't want it repeated the mistakes and errors of young period. The past is gone and static. Nothing we can do will change it. The future is before us and dynamic. Everything we do will affect myself and our enterprise. I got more clear and responsibility in my mind, if I will only recognize them. Anqing Anqing Petrochemical Company will write a new chapter for Twelfth Five-Year Plan . Then ,I am just at the beginning line of the progress in my field. Go ahead!
Feb 14, 2012 3:50 PM
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Answers · 3
The first paragraph is a bit to typical. It sounds like any other motivational speech. Please do not feel that typical is a good thing in a speech. People are hungry for something different. What I would replace the first part with is a story from your youth that illustrates the need for maturity. In the last part of your speech you talk about how you are glad you have matured. Yet you have not convinced me that there was a change. That does not mean you are not mature now; I am sure this is the case. but what in your youth do I know that shows your need for the change you claim has occurred? Yes, I am suggesting that you tell a story about how you once screwed up. A story that will get people laughing and gain their sympathy at the same time. If they have laughed you have won. This will also strengthen your point that you have matured. Good luck Owen.
February 14, 2012
Please post it in Italki Notebook
February 14, 2012
Text this long is best entered in the Notebook section. In that section there are a number of tools to mark the text and make the edits and modifications more obvious.
February 14, 2012
Owen
Language Skills
Chinese (Mandarin), English
Learning Language
English