Community Web Version Now Available
Sarah
better way to say it? As a center for the international jewelry, jade and work of art, it has the latest news in relation to the regular multi-industry activities for our high-end customers.
Jun 24, 2013 2:32 AM
3
0
Answers · 3
thanks for your advice. Christopher. I will think about it.
June 24, 2013
I can not give you a finished sentence because: 1. I don't understand what you are trying to say; and 2. I don't know your customers' needs. There are a number of things wrong with this. How can jewelry be international? Are there pearls strung across an international border? "It has" is boring and passive. I think your product is a news source. Am I right? Think about how your product helps your customer. Use active verbs to describe that. Your sentence is too long and complex.
June 24, 2013
"As an international centre for jewellery, jade and works of art, it has the latest news about multi-industry activities for our high-end customers." Although it's preferred if you don't describe what you're talking about as 'it'. Call it by it's name!
June 24, 2013
Sarah
Language Skills
Chinese (Mandarin), English, Spanish
Learning Language
English, Spanish