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Frank
can someone review this sentence for me please? However, having suffered repeated delays and budget overruns, this project, instead of bringing benefits to Hong Kong and Beijing as planned, is in fact unexpectedly deteriorating the economic and political relations between these two cities just like a wrestling match. _____________________________________ A long sentence. And I just want to make it clear that below I'm talking about the sentence above For me, it should have only one of these 2 parts --- 'having ... ' and 'instead of ...' While here it contains both of them, to me it is like: (the project) 'having ....', 'instead of ....', the project is deteriorating ....... Is it gramatically correct and does it sound good to a EN speaker? If not, how should I fix the problem? Also, about the 'in fact' used in the last part of the sentence, is that correct? Because if I change 'in fact' to 'actually', though they have the same meaning but the sentence will turn to 'is actually unexpectedly .....'. which sounds really weird to me.
Oct 8, 2016 11:45 AM
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Answers · 7
Instead of this project benefiting Beijing and Hong Kong, wrangling over a string of delays and budget overruns has now soured relations between the cities.
October 8, 2016
It's not bad, it makes sense to me and it sounds like a sentence from The Economist or some other business journal/article. Why do you want to change this sentence? BTW, Your revised version does not sound right to me. Yes, you could simplify it, e.g.: However, having suffered repeated delays and budget overruns, this project, instead of bringing benefits to Hong Kong and Beijing as planned, is in fact unexpectedly deteriorating the economic and political relations between these two cities just like a wrestling match. -> Having suffered repeated delays and budget overruns, instead of bringing benefits to HL and B (as planned), this project is unexpectedly deteriorating the economic and political relations between these two cities (just like a wrestling match).
October 8, 2016
It looks like part of a longer text, and this makes it hard to help you well. I tried to rework it a little but there are lots of options, which all depend on the flow of the text and which points you want to emphasise. If you want feedback on your writing more generally, I recommend working with a teacher or tutor.
October 8, 2016
'Coz' ??? This is not a word. It's 'Because' 'Kinda a'??? 'Kind of'
October 8, 2016
Frank
Language Skills
Chinese (Mandarin), English
Learning Language
English