We have 화면발 for that, which is literally "screen effect" (화면 = screen, -발 = effect, force).
So 화면발이 있다 or 화면발이 좋다 means "looks good on camera" or "has a camera face".
As for your translation, it's a pretty good informal style translation.
The biggest problem with it is 외모는. It should be 외모가 as the clause is not about 외모 itself.
And "외모가 카메라에서 진짜보다 더 잘보인다면 camera-face 가지고있단 말이예요" can be furthered improved.
We'd say 얼굴이 실물보다 화면에 더 잘 나온다면 화면발이 있다는 말이지요 [카메라 페이스를 가지고 있단 말이지요].
실물 is "real thing", and 잘 나오다 is "comes out nicely; shows/looks well".
Other than that, the translation sounds natural.
Also, the above is all assuming electronic screens (which is the trend nowadays).
If it's about traditional photography, substitute 사진(photo) for 화면, like 사진발.
"얼굴이 화면[사진]에 잘 나와" ((Someone's) face comes out great on screen[in pictures]), or "... 잘 받아" (... is photogenic) is a way to say it without the special noun.