Please help me understand
I saw this paragraph(no more detailed context), and there are some places I cannot make clear.
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she wrote, she'd be too preoccupied with her exams and papers to really show us around but neither of us did << 1. DID WHAT?>>. The first summer after she left, she came east for a month, staying with my grandmother in Hartford, but I refused to see her, refused to even discuss it with anyone, and although I heard hushed conversations between my father and her over the phone, I surmised that she'd decided I was old enough to decide for myself if I wanted to see her, an awareness<<2. WHAT DOES AWARENESS REFER TO?>> that left me even more miserable than had she or my father insisted<< 3.INSIST ON WHAT?>>.
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Tentatively, are possible there some problems with the expression in this paragraph, which make the author not so clear to be understand?