Bibinur
could you help me to check my story? I was given a task to create a fairy-tale or a story with underlined words. According to the task I should use all these words and can't change these words. A hedgehog was wandering for a long time until he saw a hunting-box. In order to satisfy his thirst he got into a house.Cactus found the whole bowl of milk and drank it.Suddenly he heard a noise and jumped into an open round door.Someone's hand throw a laundry to him and shut the door with a bang.He was begun to spin. It was the laundry that he couldn't express in words.When it finished, he realized that he lost all his spines. In a flash, he became miserable.Now it didn't make any sense to come back to the company, go out with his lovely Cactusina(his girlfriend), think about a happy marriage.Sitting under pines he was grieving. The second part of this story at the bottom of the story.To see it press "Add a comment".
Jan 30, 2017 4:23 PM
Answers · 3
Here are some corrections. I put the changes in brackets like these [ ] so you can easily find them. Let me know if you want more help or would like to talk about anything else. Interesting story! A hedgehog was wandering for a long time until he saw a hunting-box. In order to satisfy his thirst he [went] into a house [looking for something to drink]. Cactus found [a] whole bowl of milk and drank it. Suddenly he heard a noise and jumped [onto] an open round door. Someone's hand [threw] laundry to [at] him and [then] shut the door with a bang. He [began] to spin. [He couldn't express in words what happened with the laundry]. When it finished, he realized that he lost all his spines. In a flash, he became miserable. Now it didn't make any sense to come back to the company, [to] go out with his lovely Cactusina (his girlfriend), [or to] think about a happy marriage. [He grieved while sitting under pines]. The weather [immediately] deteriorated. [A] big wind picked up. The [pine] needles stuck into the hedgehog and he felt like the spiny Cactus again. Luckily, everything turned out well and he was back at work. Above all things, his mates were impressed by his green trendy look (green pines needles). [He reminded himself that he was grateful for his fate and awesome experience], and at least he stopped [bothering] everyone with his complaints.
January 30, 2017
Here are some corrections. I put the changes in brackets like these [ ] so you can easily find them. Let me know if you want more help or would like to talk about anything else. Interesting story! A hedgehog was wandering for a long time until he saw a hunting-box. In order to satisfy his thirst he [went] into a house [looking for something to drink]. Cactus found [a] whole bowl of milk and drank it. Suddenly he heard a noise and jumped [onto] an open round door. Someone's hand [threw] laundry to [at] him and [then] shut the door with a bang. He [began] to spin. [He couldn't express in words what happened with the laundry]. When it finished, he realized that he lost all his spines. In a flash, he became miserable. Now it didn't make any sense to come back to the company, [to] go out with his lovely Cactusina (his girlfriend), [or to] think about a happy marriage. [He grieved while sitting under pines]. The weather [immediately] deteriorated. [A] big wind picked up. The [pine] needles stuck into the hedgehog and he felt like the spiny Cactus again. Luckily, everything turned out well and he was back at work. Above all things, his mates were impressed by his green trendy look (green pines needles). [He reminded himself that he was grateful for his fate and awesome experience], and at least he stopped [bothering] everyone with his complaints.
January 30, 2017
The weather immeditely deteriorated. The big wind picked up. The pines needles stuck into the hedgehog and he felt himself like the spiny Cactus again. Luckily, everything turned out well and he was back at work. Above all things, his mates were impressed by his green trendy look(green pines needles).It makes sense to remind that he was grateful to his fate for this awesome experience, at least he stopped to bother everyone with his complaints. key words are (to run away from, to make sense, laundry, to bother, to stand, to remind, to mind,hunter, in order to, to impress, to complain, at least, conditions, awful, awesome,miserable, I can't help it, luckily, the whole, to be grateful, to express.)
January 30, 2017
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