godttala
Please help me revise this paragraph "Your smile is my dream. It's the treasure I want most. If I have the chance, please let me be the guardian by your side." I would like it be more poetic or beautiful.
Feb 14, 2017 2:01 PM
Answers · 4
Well, it seems pretty good already to me. You might consider a slight revision: It's the treasure I most want (slight word order change from what you have) You might also consider omitting 'if I have the chance' and let the line read from 'please let me...' onward. That way the line appears a similar length to the others. Alternatively, please could take up a line by itself, then put the rest of the line on a new line.
February 14, 2017
Thank you!
February 15, 2017
Godttala, these doesn't need correcting or amending. It is poetic and beautiful!
February 14, 2017
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