Zheng Zihuai
How can I make this sound more natural and enthusiastic? (They called together all the soldiers and gave pep talk before the war.) “Now, my brave fellows, if you are unwilling to die, we have nothing more to say.” “But if you would risk death, then let us risk it for the sake of fame and glory! Kings and nobles, generals and ministers-such men are made, not born!” I translated the last paragraph as below. Kalau kita akan menyabung nyawa, marilah kita menyabungnya untuk memberontak supaya kemasyhuran dan kegemilangan! Raja dan bangsawan, jeneral dan menteri, semuanya tidak dilahirkan dengan kedudukan yang tinggi! My biggest problem is that the translation doesn't sound like pep talk, it can't increase anyone's determination to succeed. Not enthusiastic at all!
Nov 8, 2017 1:12 PM
Answers · 2
This is the best I can come up with. I'd like to make a disclaimer that I'm not in any way, an excellent scriptwriter etc. but this translation should somehow capture the essence of a motivating pep talk. I used some classical words and proverbs like "perajurit" and "berputih tulang" to make it more symbolic and metaphoric. Also I used "aku" pronoun to show a deeper conviction and emotion in the speech. "Wahai perajuritku yang gagah berani, jika kalian tidak sudi menggadai nyawa, maka aku tidak akan memaksa. Namun, jika kalian sanggup berputih tulang, ayuh! Kita gadaikan demi kemasyhuran dan kegemilangan! Sedarlah! Pangkat raja, bangsawan, menteri dan jeneral, bukan sekadar diwariskan, namun perlu berkorban darah dan keringat."
November 8, 2017
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Zheng Zihuai
Language Skills
Azeri, Chinese (Mandarin), Chinese (Other), English, Japanese, Malay
Learning Language
Azeri, Japanese, Malay