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mengsicheng
This is a part of my writing and I hope someone can give me a hand. Volunteer work also benefits their career prospect. Through these work, they can experience the efforts and the sense of responsibility within their tasks, and this is realistic for them to imagine those more demanding jobs outside the school. Therefore, volunteer work makes them understand why they should respect their teachers, parents and even their future colleagues in advance. A comfortable relationship with colleagues is one of the key factors for most individuals to earn career achievements. Are the cohesion and coherence between the last two sentence reasonable? Other suggestions are also welcome, Thank you.
Aug 23, 2018 3:56 AM
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Answers · 4
I would make a few changes. Volunteer work also benefits their career prospects. Through this work, they can experience effort and gain a sense of responsibility, and this will let them realistically imagine more demanding jobs outside the school. Therefore, volunteer work makes them understand why they should respect their teachers, parents and even their future colleagues in advance. Being able to build a comfortable relationship with colleagues is one of the key factors that determines professional success.
August 23, 2018
You're so kind, my friend. I'm happy to see you again. Nice version, thanks :)
August 23, 2018
Kris's version is good. I'd add another slight variation is also an option ...they can experience effort and responsibility of their taaks,... Kris's "gain a sense of repsonsibility" is slightly different. Equally valid, just different.
August 23, 2018
mengsicheng
Language Skills
Chinese (Mandarin), English
Learning Language
English