Jack Weston
Is this sentence correct? When you first begin to approach the building you’re greeted with lively playing music which bounces off the entire plaza, there is usually a long line that could typically exceed 40 to possibly an hour wait or more so plan ahead and don’t go on an empty stomach.
Sep 16, 2018 11:15 PM
Answers · 4
When you first begin to approach the building you’re greeted with lively playing music which bounces off the entire plaza, there is usually a long line that could typically exceed 40 to possibly an hour wait or more so plan ahead and don’t go on an empty stomach. You do not need 'playing' to describe the music. That much is plain by the other information. "When you first begin to approach the building you’re greeted with lively music, bouncing off the entire plaza." The above is a complete sentence and should be ended before beginning a new sentence. "There is usually a long line at the door." In the next sentence, you need to choose between descriptions. "The wait is often 40 to 60 minutes, and can even be longer, so plan ahead and don’t go on an empty stomach." All together, it looks like this: "When you first begin to approach the building you’re greeted with lively music, bouncing off the entire plaza. There is usually a long line at the door. The wait is often 40 to 60 minutes, and can even be longer, so plan ahead and don’t go on an empty stomach." Does that make sense?
September 16, 2018
No, there are a couple of errors/unnatural words. 'playing music' should be 'music playing'. What is 40? People? Minutes? You need to say which. "could typically exceed 40 to possibly an hour wait or more" is very awkward, even with 'minutes'. You've got 3 imprecise terms, which sounds odd.
September 16, 2018
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