Alina
晚上好!请看看我写了一个小课文有什么错误? 我住的小区特别美!在我们院子里有池塘也有一条漂亮的弄堂。有空的时候我很喜欢在我们这儿散步散步。我们的池塘里有很多金鱼,有一次我决定喂它面包。我觉得这是一个很善良的事儿。我切了面包小小块,然后把它扔出了池塘里。但是我真不知道金鱼不吃面包...所以没什么好事,我就弄脏了我们的池塘,感觉非常不好意思!
Oct 29, 2018 1:33 PM
Answers · 4
Dear Alina, Nice to see you again ! 每天都坚持写作文,非常好! 这次作文比上一次生动了很多,我会帮助你慢慢改掉你的英文习惯。主要问题有3个: 1.标点符号的使用。 2.中文说话习惯,喜欢把修饰词和定语放在中间。 3.固定搭配。 具体修改如下: 我住的小区特别美:我们院子里既有池塘还有一条漂亮的弄堂。我有空的时候很喜欢在这儿散散步。池塘里有很多金鱼,我出于善心想喂他们。于是我切了一块小小的面包,然后把它扔进了池塘里。但是我真的不知道金鱼居然不吃面包,本来想做一件好事,反而污染了池塘,真是不好意思。。。。 请注意: 1. : 这个标点符号表示解释和说明。 2. 如果想说both..also 可以说:既。。还 3. 散步 这种V+O的词语,只可以用AAB的格式,散散步。比如:说说话,聊聊天,晒晒太阳等。 4. 我+V+O,修饰词放在中间:我切了(一块小小的)面包。 5.V+进。。。里是固定搭配,我们不说 出。。里 5. 居然:表示出乎你的意料,这样表达更贴切。 6.本来。。。反而。。。 ,表达你原来想做的事情却得到了适得其反的效果,这样表达更符合中国人的表达习惯,比较地道。 希望对你有所帮助,有问题随时可以问我,欢迎大家补充讨论~ Thanks~
October 30, 2018
In general, I have to say it's pretty well written. However, the general vibe feels a little bit odd followed by some minor mistakes. I believe 弄堂 is a Shanghainese word that stands for a specific street type only limited in Shanghai. Looks kind of like a back street in western countries but located within buildings. I'm sure you meant something else. 我觉得这是一个很善良的事儿。 <this felt really odd to put in a sentence in any language, feels like you are doing charity. This literally translate to "I think this is a really kind-hearted thing to do." The closest meaning of 善良 I can get to in English is kind-hearted, but even that does not truly reflect the meaning of the word. This word is mostly used when describing somebody who helped the ones that are really in need, or gave away something that they really cherish to save others. If you use it to describe somebody 善良, the characteristics that I get instantly is he often helps people, he's simpleminded(never thinks bad things of others), not sarcastic, etc. As you're a foreigner, I assume the tutor of yours will accept it even it's odd. But we can make this work if we put it another way. From 我觉得这是一个很善良的事儿。我切了面包小小块,然后把它扔出了池塘里。 To "由於"我觉得这是一"件"很善良的事儿,"所以"我切了"小小块的面包"后把它扔出了池塘里"喂鱼"。 Because, I believe this is a nice thing to do, so I've cut small pieces of bread then threw it out to the pond to feed the fishes. (Chinese-like grammar translation) 所以没什么好事 < I don't understand. Literally means "So there's nothing good happened." Please rephrase. Other than the above, very good!
October 29, 2018
我住的小区特别美!在我们院子里有池塘,也有一条漂亮的弄堂。有空的时候,我很喜欢在这儿散步。池塘里有很多金鱼,有一次我决定喂它们吃面包, 因为我觉得这是一个很善良的事,所以我就把面包切成了小块,然後把它扔入了池塘里。但是我真不知道金鱼不吃面包...所以没干成好事,反而弄脏了我们的池塘,感觉非常不好意思!
October 29, 2018
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Alina
Language Skills
Chinese (Mandarin), English, Russian
Learning Language
Chinese (Mandarin)