Need help with a caption for a book page. I'm participating in a project that prints books from a video game series, with the developers' permission, of course. Among these in-game books there is a series of religious texts, i.e. sermons. We are printing these sermons as a separate book in two languages: Russian (our translation) and English (the original). At the end of the book we have blank pages to write your thoughts in. Here's a screenshot: Right now, the caption (or whatever you call it) at the top of those pages says: "To record the thoughts that occurred while you were studying the sermons." I wonder if that's correct. I think something like "For writing down thoughts that occurred to you while studying the sermons" would be better, but that doesn't seem fancy enough for a book from a fantasy setting. What do you think? It would be great if the English sentence retained its original structure (namely, the "thoughts that occurred" part), but we could change the Russian one, if necessary. The pages go one after another, so I think the captions should mirror each other in structure.
Jul 24, 2019 7:01 PM
Answers · 7
"To record the thoughts that occurred while you were studying the sermons" does not seem quite right. I think you need to say "occurred to you," i.e. "To record the thoughts that occurred to you while you were studying the sermons." "Record" is fine, and does have a more formal and dignified tone than "write down." It suggests that your thoughts will be so valuable that they deserve to be preserved forever! The most natural heading would be the single word "Notes" (or "For notes" or "This space for notes.")
July 25, 2019
I might say: "For recording your thoughts that arose while reading the sermons." "Recording" is more formal than "writing down." You can say "studying the sermons" but "reading" sounds more natural. I think "arose" is closer to возникли than "occurred," and it sounds more old-fashioned.
July 25, 2019
I'm asking for something a little more formal or perhaps slightly old-fashioned. It doesn't have to be something high-flown or archaic.
July 24, 2019
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