Mary
How to write this sentence in a better way? Atrocities committed against the rebellions, also known as “the Bulgarian Horrors” and severe treatment of Christian minorities in the Empire triggered international condemnation, which culminated in Serbia declaring a war to the Ottoman Empire.
Sep 28, 2019 7:40 PM
Answers · 3
Here's a slight variation that I think might be better. Atrocities committed against the rebels, in what is now known as “the Bulgarian Horrors”, and severe treatment of the Empire's Christian minorities triggered international condemnation, which culminated in Serbia declaring war on the Ottoman Empire. As was suggested, I think atrocities are best described as committed against people(rebels) rather than an event(rebellion).
September 28, 2019
Atrocities committed against the rebels, also known as “the Bulgarian Horrors”, and severe treatment of Christian minorities in the empire triggered international condemnation which culminated in Serbia declaring war on the Ottoman Empire. Changing Rebellions to rebels may not be entirely accurate. You may need to say something like Atrocities committed against people involved in the rebellions, or even Atrocities committed against people accused of being involved in the rebellions, depending on the context. The longer you make that, the more you need to break up your sentence into parts to make it understandable.
September 28, 2019
Two suggestions: 1. add a comma after "the Bulgarian Horrors" to make clear that it's a parenthetical comment, and 2. change the last part to "...in Serbia declaring war on the Ottoman Empire." Other than that, it looks really good.
September 28, 2019
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Mary
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