which is kind of pathetic when you actually stop and think about it
In an American movie, Charlie, a bit of a nerd, loves a girl called Lori but Lori's friend, Kia, just can't seem to stop deriding him. At one point Charlie snaps:
"I used to think you hated me because you thought I wasn't good enough for Lori but that's not it. You tear me down to make yourself feel better because you really hate yourself, which is kind of pathetic when you actually stop and think about it, assuming, of course you can think with all that makeup weighing down your head."
Can you tell me if "you" in "which is kind of pathetic when YOU actually stop and think about it" is used for referring to people in general, and not just Kia? Or is he saying that although Kia understands that her tearing Charlie down to make herself feel better is pathetic but still she can't help her?