martina anghileri
ESSAY: IELTS WRITING PART 2 Nowadays, the far-reaching diffusion of mobile technologies and the emergence of social media are shaping the society and, in particular, they contribute to change the way in which person’s worth is defined. While in the past what was truly significant were the inner values, today I strongly agree on the idea that what it is considered important by the society is the social status and the material possessions of people because of three phenomena: the economic crisis and the impact on families, the changes in education and the emergence of social media. First, education is undergoing a deep crisis. On the one side, parents are increasingly struggling in order to make the ends meet; this means that they spend a large amount of time working, trying to provide for the family. Consequently, they do not spend enough time at home and even when they are with their children, they rely on television or YouTube to keep them busy while solving problems and issues. Second, the school system does not seem to be able to keep up with the technological changes and maintain a traditional focus on books and front classes. Therefore, a gap is created between what children experience outside school, a world surrounded by technology, and what they find inside and this have an impact on their growth and the way they approach to each other. Finally, social media are the place where physical appearance is all that matters. Social media today can be considered the biggest countries in the world, with billions of people that share their daily life by posting pictures, video or sharing a status. What is significant is that people show their social status and material possessions, not their values or their deep thoughts. To conclude, values such as honour kindness and trust seem not to have their place anymore in this changing society. The economic crisis and their consequences on families, the technological revolution and the effects on the school system.
Sep 27, 2021 4:51 PM
Corrections · 2
ESSAY: IELTS WRITING PART 2 Nowadays, the far-reaching diffusion of mobile technologies and the emergence of social media are re-shaping society and, in particular, they are contributing to changes in the way that a person’s worth is defined. While in the past what was truly significant were the inner values, today I firmly believe that what is considered important by society is social status and material possessions. First, education is undergoing a deep crisis. On the one hand, parents are increasingly struggling in order to make ends meet; this means that they spend a large amount of time working, trying to provide for the family. Consequently, they do not spend enough time at home and even when they are with their children, they rely on television or YouTube to keep them busy while solving problems and issues. [I don't understand why you make the connection between 'educational crisis' and busy parents/ too much TV and media - the connection is not clear here]
- don't overuse the definite article!!!... - [because of three phenomena: the economic crisis and the impact on families, the changes in education and the emergence of social media] I have removed this section .. You seem to be suggesting that these three factors modify the attitude of society: giving importance to social status and material possessions. This connection is not clear to me... - I will put the correction of the second part of your text in a separate post: no room left here to make corrections 😕🤔
Sep 27, 2021 5:31 PM
ESSAY: IELTS WRITING PART 2 Nowadays, the far-reaching diffusion of mobile technologies and the emergence of social media are shaping the society and, in particular, they contribute to change the way in which person’s worth is defined. While in the past what was truly significant were the inner values, today I strongly agree on the idea that what it is considered important by the society is the social status and the material possessions of people because of three phenomena: the economic crisis and the impact on families, the changes in education and the emergence of social media. First, education is undergoing a deep crisis. On the one side, parents are increasingly struggling in order to make the ends meet; this means that they spend a large amount of time working, trying to provide for the family. Consequently, they do not spend enough time at home and even when they are with their children, they rely on television or YouTube to keep them busy while solving problems and issues. Second, the school system does not seem to be able to keep up with the technological changes and maintain a traditional focus on books and front classes. Therefore, a gap is created between what children experience outside school, a world surrounded by technology, and what they find inside and this have an impact on their growth and the way they approach to each other. Finally, social media are the place where physical appearance is all that matters. Social media today can be considered the biggest countries in the world, with billions of people that share their daily life by posting pictures, video or sharing a status. What is significant is that people show their social status and material possessions, not their values or their deep thoughts. To conclude, values such as honour kindness and trust seem not to have their place anymore in this changing society. The economic crisis and their consequences on families, the technological revolution and the effects on the school system.
Sep 27, 2021 5:18 PM
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martina anghileri
Language Skills
English, Italian, Russian
Learning Language
Russian