“Dare del tu” or “dare del Lei”? The question of formality in Italian

Unlike English, which only uses “you” for both formal and informal contexts, Italian makes a clear distinction, and choosing the right form can sometimes feel tricky.

Today we will look at: 

1. What it means “dare del tu” and “dare del Lei” 

2. When to use each form 

3. How to use each form 

4. How Italians handle the transition from “Lei” to “tu” 

Are you ready? Let’s dive in! 

1. What does it mean “dare del tu” or “dare del Lei”?

•“Dare del tu” means addressing someone with “tu”, the informal pronoun for the 2nd person singular, which creates closeness and familiarity.

•“Dare del Lei” means addressing someone with “Lei”, the formal pronoun for the 2nd person singular (always written with a capital L), used to express respect, distance, or politeness.

2. When to use “tu” vs.“Lei”

I know, for Italians the world is full of shades and nuances, and it is not always intuitively understandable from the outside.

Let’s put it this way: Italians tend to classify people into two main groups: familiar and unfamiliar. 

That is why you may want to use “tu” with:

•family members and close friends 

•people your age or younger in informal situations 

•colleagues or classmates once a friendly tone has been established 

And “Lei” with: 

•older people (unless they explicitly invite you to use “tu”) 

•people you don’t know well (in shops, restaurants, offices) 

•in professional settings, when respect or hierarchy is important 

Let's see some real examples.

Informal “tu”: 

1.Ciao Luca, come stai? → Hi Luca, how are you? 

2.Mauro, mi passi il sale? → Mauro, can you pass me the salt? 

3.Giulia, hai fatto i compiti? → Giulia, did you do your homework? 

Formal “Lei”: 

1.Buongiorno signora, come sta? → How are you? 

2.Mi scusi, sa dirmi dov’è l’ufficio postale? → Excuse me, can you tell me where the post office is?

3.Dottore, potrebbe prescrivermi questa medicina? → Doctor, could you prescribe me this medicine? 

3. How to use “tu” vs.“Lei”

I am sure you are now wondering: Ok, this is the form, but how can I construct a sentence with these pronouns?

Let's get down to the nitty-gritty.

“Lei” and “tu” both function as 2nd person pronoun, and the only difference is only how the verb conjugates.

Indeed, “tu” requires the use of the second person singular form of the verb. • Tu parli inglese? → Do you speak English? 

•Tu vivi a Roma? → Do you live in Rome? 

Whereas, “Lei” uses the third person singularform of the verb, the same one you would use for lui/lei (he/she). 

•Lei parla inglese? → Do you speak English? 

•Lei vive a Roma? → Do you live in Rome? 

Because “Lei” behaves grammatically like he/she, it requires the same agreement with pronouns, adjectives, and specific tenses (like the past participle). e.g. 

•Lei* è stanco? (to a man) / Lei* è stanca? (to a woman) → Are you tired? • Lei* è arrivato in tempo? (to a man) / Lei* è arrivata in tempo? (to a woman) → Did you arrive on time? 

•La saluto cordialmente → I greet you cordially 

•Posso offrirLe un caffè? → May I offer you a coffee? 

•È Sua questa penna? → Is this your pen?

*As with the other pronouns, this pronoun may also be omitted. 

In formal writing, “Lei”, as well as its object forms (“La”, “Le”) and possessives (“Suo”, “Sua”), is often capitalized to show respect and to distinguish it from “lei”, “sua” = she, her, hers.This is especially common in letters, emails, and business communication. 

4. The transition from “Lei” to “tu”

In Italian culture, moving from “Lei” to “tu” is a social step. It is not automatic, and it is usually proposed with a phrase like: 

Posso darLe del “tu”? → Can I address you informally? 

Diamoci del “tu”! → Let’s use “tu”!

This moment marks a shift from formality to familiarity. 

Quick tip: When in doubt, always start with “Lei”. Italians will appreciate the politeness, and if the context allows, they will automatically suggest switching to “tu” for ease of communication.That is all for today’s lesson!

I hope you find useful this article and that you learned something.

Of course, if you have any questions or other topics you would like me to cover, let me know in the comments below.

Thank you reading this article! 

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Germana