Toefl integrated essay #1

Did Rembrandt paint the painting "Portrait of an Elderly Woman in a White Bonnet?" The author of the article claims that the painting is not painted by Rembrandt. He says the woman in the painting is dressed inconsistently and the light and shadow is incorrect and in contrast to the way Rembrandt painted. In addition the painting was painted on a wood panel made of several pieces glued together and Rembrandt never painted on such a panel.

The lecturer states the facts the author mentions are true, but his conclusion is wrong.  Researchers found, 100 years after Rembrandt painted this painting, another person painted a collar on the original painting. In addition, he glued other pieces of wood to the original painting in order to extend it. The researchers think he did this in order to sell the painting to a rich family who likes such things.

Those findings explain all the authors' claims. First, in the original painting the woman was dressed consistently and the use of light and shadow was as good as in other paintings by Rembrandt. Second, the original painting was painted on a single piece of wood. Finally, the researchers found that other paintings by Rembrandt were painted on the same wood. Therefore, the lecturer concludes that the painting "Portrait of an Elderly Woman in a White Bonnet" was painted by Rembrandt.

Toefl integrated essay #1

Did Rembrandt [really] paint "Portrait of an Elderly Woman in a White Bonnet"? The author of the article [claims] not[. He observes] that the woman in the painting is dressed inconsistently[,] and [further that] the light and shadow [are faulty, in] contrast [to] Rembrandt[’]s [style.] Moreover, the painting [is] on a panel [consisting] of several pieces of wood glued together, [unlike any other known work of Rembrandt.]

[The] lecturer [acknowledged that] the [author’s facts] are true, [but claims that] his conclusion is [nevertheless] wrong. Researchers found that 100 years after Rembrandt painted this painting [an]other person painted the collar on the [original.]{Note: I decided not to put comments in that sentence, because it seems to me that "100 years after...this painting" is a dependent clause.} In addition, [this second person] glued [additional] pieces of wood to the original [so that the] painting [would protrude more.] The researchers think that he did [so] in order to sell the painting to [a] rich family who like[d] such [a look.]

[These] findings explain the [facts cited by] the author. First, in the original painting[,] the wom[a]n [was consistently dressed,] and the work of light and shadow is [rendered with] the [typical quality of] Rembrandt. Second, the [original] was painted [on a] single [wooden surface, similar to one used] by Rembrandt [for another painting.] Therefore, the lecturer concludes that the painting "Portrait of an Elderly Woman in a White Bonnet" [was indeed a work of] Rembrandt.

Here is what I removed from the original:
Did Rembrandt <painted the> paint<ing> "Portrait of an Elderly Woman in a White Bonnet"? The author of the article <claims that the painting is> not <painted by Rembrandt. He says> that the woman in the painting is dressed inconsistently and the light and shadow <painted with errors, is> contrast <to the way> Rembrandt <wa>s <use to paint.> Moreover, the painting <was painted> on a panel <made> of several pieces of wood glued together, <while Rembrandt never painted on such panel.>

<The> lecturer <argues that the facts> the <author mentions> are true, <but> his conclusion is wrong. Researchers found that 100 years after Rembrandt painted this painting<,> other person painted the collar on the <original painting.> In addition, <he> glued <another> pieces of wood to the original painting <in order to extend it.> The researchers think that he did <it> in order to sell the painting to rich family who like<s> such <things.>

<Those> findings explain <all> the <claims of> the author. First, in the original painting the wom<e>n <was dressed consistently> and the work of light and shadow is <good as in o>the<r painting by> Rembrandt. Second, the <original painting> was painted <on> single <wood. Finally, the researchers found that other painting> by Rembrandt <was painted on the same wood.> Therefore, the lecturer concludes that the painting "Portrait of an Elderly Woman in a White Bonnet" <is painted by> Rembrandt.

ממש חזק.  כל הכבוד! רוב התיקונים הם רק בשביל סגנון