You would never say someone is "too anal". You would say they are "so anal" or just "anal". As far as it being offensive, you should be aware of the possibility, but it depends on the context. "Stop being so anal." could be said among friends, spouses etc. In general, saying "you are X" is harsher than a phrasing that criticizes someone's actions. "compulsive" has a similar meaning with less risk of being impolite. "Stop being so compulsive" "Can you please try to be less compulsive? You're driving me nuts."

I would avoid 'anal'. That's too rude to use to your partner, even if you are annoyed. A couple of options: You're too fernickety / pernickety. (Depending on your flavour of English) You're too OCD.

Yeah, I agree with Gary. It is kind of rude to use the word anal, it has a negative connotation. But if I were annoyed with my husband, I would say it. You could say, why are you so particular? A lot of people say OCD as Gary mentioned but some people may take offense to that.

"You are obsessive-compulsive./ You've got an OCD".