Unaware As the days went by...I noticed how everything turns into an empty canvass. I couldn't hardly formulate a masterpiece that can live a trail of wonder. I'm disappointed, deserted and dejected. There I tore my creations and burned it. After the intense anguished colonized in me I lay down in bed and fall a slept. As I close my eyes a strange tapping sound disturbed me, followed by the series of cry that signified an alarming helped . I know that the sound came from the door next to my apartment. Maybe some family feud is going. I'm the typical person who ignores what's going on around me. But I guess this noise is serious and I know it's rude to ignore such scenarios but what if my life is at risk too. I tiptoed and listen intensely. And after a minute I heard a gun shot. The wailling was gone. And a rushing footsteps followed. After a seconds the silence crept me. I know I should do something...and I called the emergency hot line and report the incident. Afterwards I opened my door the swamp of blood surprised me. My knees were shaking seeing the victims. Across the room I heard a grasping breath. There I couldn't recognize him by the multiple lacerations he got. It was my dear young fellow neighbor James. I hold his hand and eventually he died . Then tears come down so quickly. There the policemen arrived. And ask me a series of questions. Words were running down so fast in me. The inquiry of Sheriff becomes so hollow that I start to faint. The next day I woke up with a cold hand holding me, In the white cozy illuminated room. It was James holding me, he gave me a smile. And I smiled back. Maybe I'm just dreaming. But he wants me to follow him. But I refused to do so because I'm not ready to die. But as I avoided his direction I ran faster as I can, until I came into my apartment. There it was packed with people. My fiancee Leyton was sitting in my bed. And he cried harder. I gave him a hug but I cannot touch him. I am unaware of my situation. And flashback of that uneventful incident rewind. And there I discover that I was killed too.

Dream I can feel the adrenaline rushing through my veins, my palms were sweating and my heart beats so fast. I tried to rushed our way for help. But the slippery mud made things impossible for us to reached the safety zone of help. The heavy rains created a tearful scene as the thunder strikes and echoed in our ears. I ripped the hem of my shirt and tied the oozing blood from his legs. That was the only aid I had in such a serious situation. As I assisted him through our way to find helped I can feel that his not able to carry on. There I paused and checked for his condition. He looks pale and he was grasping for air. There I hold him so dearly and I said, "Henry we can do this". I gave him a determined looked. But as I tried to lift him up he refused to cooperate. Out of my desperation I told him, "I don't want us to get killed in this jungle Henry, there must be a way out in here. I know your tired but please don't leave me here alone." As I uttered those words I was crying. I know Henry can't make it. But I can't lose him now. Not in this strange, unsafe jungle. But the clock tick so fast. Due to the serious injury he had with the massive blood loss his condition is deteriorating. The second I checked on him his no longer breathing. I tried cpr but it's useless. I want to cry for his loss but I can't do it. I must run as fast as I can.Because in a minute they will kill me. As the jungle started to sink in the darkness. I know my life is in danger. I want to live, my conscience told me so. I'am determined to safe myself against them and fears. As i ran fast. I tripped and fall harder. And got myself knock down. And i had a vivid vision of them. They had swords with them and i know this is my worst end. As one of them tried to slashed me with their sword I closed my eyes. Because the end is yet to come. I shouted, and feeling my shirts were sweating, Henry woke me up saying I was having a bad dreams. "Oh! my GOD! I thought I lost you ", as I told to my self. And I gave Henry a tight hugged. Good thing I'am alive and it was a bad dream.

Paper Cranes Yesterday I had an intimate conversation with my english teacher. We talked about how to face adversity by displaying a strong persona. I paused and think, how can you mask such strong behavior despite things was hard on you? Loads of questions raising through my mind. Then my teacher said," Is there something you like to tell me?" as she inquired. And I replied in low monotonous tone, " I'am actually thinking deeply about it". So, she presented her way of intuitive opinion on the said subject. Vulnerability in the middle of adversity was a normal responds, if you want to scream until your throat hurts, then scream as loud as you can, cry or run and remember to not hurt your self, that's a different story to tell as she indignantly pointed out her opinion. Savor the moment, because during those dark times you will be able to know who you are and whose being real to you. And then she handed me some worksheets to answer and read, then she told me that before I'am going to answer her question about adversity I should answer the worksheets first and by next meeting I will present to her my insight on the said matter. As I read my worksheets, the story about a 12 year old girl diagnosed of leukemia caught my attention. Before she had the disease she was an ordinary girl an energetic member of the track and field. And one day she had loss of consciousness while running on the school field, then the school nurse brought her to the hospital. There, it was discovered after several test that she had the disease. At first her mother were reluctant to speak out the nature of his condition. But she knew very well that she had the " atom bomb sickness" that's the layman's term they used to call it. After the atomic bomb was dropped in Nagasaki and Hiroshima most of the people suffered such condition. While she was admitted a friend introduced her to fold a paper cranes of birds, because according to the story if you will be able to fold one thousand of paper cranes your wish will be granted. And gods will make her healthy again. Every one of us has its own definition and different reaction to adversity. In the story I adored the courage of Sadako ( the name of the young girl ) to withstand in her beliefs that gods will grant her desire to live. Until her last breath she never quit. She died in dignity. Reciprocating adversity with a brave heart and hopes. Thats how Sadako to me a paper cranes of birds thats sours high. And will continue to inspire.

My 30 days challenge My journey towards the IELTS review is not yet over. Everyday and every night I tried to spend 4 hours of review after worked, I automatically checked my notes and geared up my internet to browse some useful information. Such as listening to podcast, watching English films, talking to native speakers, answering worksheets and writing a letter. I prepared for 3 months and I noticed that I don't have the drive to end this misery of preparation. Honestly speaking I think I'm just goofing around. My brains had taught me gradually to quit and stop such foolishness, then part of me said your almost there...you improved a lot, then one day my friend which I met here on italki told me to book a date on the said exam. In that way you will feel the pressure of taking the exam. Alas! Finally I made the decision to take the exam on 14th of February, however, due to the nature of my work the chief nurse told me to reschedule the said exam on next month. I got frustrated, without any protest I respect her decision and I formulated my reasoning to take the exam right away. But her decision weighs more because after all she’s the chief nurse. So much for that one, I began to procrastinate my studying habits. Luckily someone had awoken me from my dreaded moments of laziness. At 2 a.m in the morning I started to browse the net and checked some useful website that improves my listening and speaking skills. Accidentally I clicked a certain site that tackles from walks of life, modernization, heroism and futuristic imagination. The site was amazing it continues to spread good ideas. With known speakers around the world who impart their knowledge. I watched and listen to Matt Cutts, he tackles about “ Try something new for 30 days”. And I said to myself why not try it. Here’s my 5 challenges in 30 days: 1st BBC world in, Facebook out ( to be honest Facebook accumulate my spare time for studying so instead of visiting the social network check the BBC world instead this helps in my IELTS review) 2nd Loss weight ( starts the year to be more physically fit). 3rd Write a doodle in the Italki about my 30 days challenge. 4th Learn basic French (So I desperately need someone who speak French, please do p.m me.) 5th A quality time with my parents, hulk and also with ate weng on the skype. I never challenge myself before, however through achieving these challenges , its another hallmark of achievement and finding yourself beyond what you are capable of.

The Unspoken How are you? When will I see you again? ...When will I hold your hand? I terribly missed you, those big voice of yours that wakes me up every morning and your beautiful smile that cheers me up. I'am longing to hug you tightly. Talk about the things I'am doing now. For sure you will be thrilled with my stories. Lately those joyful days with you, had turned into an empty fields. You were reluctant to engage in a conversation with me, In a darkened room I saw you. You were pacing and pondering it seemed something is bothering you. I was about to approach, but I decided no to. I'll have to wait for the right time. After school I rushed at your door and knocked, I kept on knocking then suddenly Aya ( the housemaid ) opened the door. I entered inside your room. I kept on calling out your name. But your not there. I decided to lie in your bed and wait because I'am anxious to show the art I made at school. As I close my eyes, I was awaken by your laughter. You were guiding me towards a beautiful garden. I ran and whirled with awe and wonder. I had never been to a place like this before. As my energy uplifts with the beauty I had laid my eyes upon, the beautiful ray of sunshine and the smell of the fresh grass slowly fade to darkness. I held your hand tightly but as we searched for light I can no longer feel your grip. I shouted as loud as I could calling out your name and asking for your help. And tears are falling. I was upset, afraid and hopeless. I curled in the darkness, I kept on crying but no one seems to care. But someone holds my hand and with the familiar voice that so clear and close to my heart. " Wake up Cathy it is just a dream" the voice said. I rubbed my eyes there I saw my mom, holding me tightly and hugged me. She was crying intensely. I don't know what to do. It's the first time I saw her crying. I can't seem to understand the words. But I know she's deeply hurt. I then console her and pat her back. Those red eyes were gazing at me closely then she starts to hug and kiss me on the forehead. It feels like she wants to tell me something yet she's unable to deliver.

Slipped away In the darken room...there i heard a wailed of people. Others were sitting in the floor and asking for forgiveness. Some where calling out your name, and then others were asking why you slipped away suddenly. The moment i saw them...their bitter initial-reaction forecast along the sorrowful environment. I knew then that you are a gem of gold that binds as together. Your lost had a huge impact among us. On my wonderful memoirs with you, I woke up with the screeching sound of the door, there you are bringing amazing tasteful foods that loads the empty stomach early morning. Your beautiful smile fades away the difficulties of a day. Everytime i heard those big voice of yours its a security blanket assuring me that everything will be alright. You never let me down, the moment mum start to scold me for terribly misbehaving her rules. Your all the way protecting me against the rod of sticks. When i laughed harder its your joyful moment. One thing that I'm so proud having you, when you showed to us how you care and love us equally. Some may not understand you, but i believed in you. There I'am holding your cold hands, so cold that i can't feel the pulse anymore. I then tried to feel the beat of your heart. However the body that I'm holding was a replica of non living creature. I feel sorry for the day that you left without even saying goodbye. I never knew how time passed by so quickly, without your presence seems a missing cue to move on. I wish i could turn back time...turn it into my own command. A power to manipulate and control the picturesque of event. But darn it...this can only happened in coax world of fantasy. As i sat in your grave i can no longer hold you. But i knew then that everything happens with a certain purposed. I badly need you and missed you. But deep down in my heart i knew that you were always there for me. Protecting me always.

Observation Everyday... seems an ending process...just like a clicker you turned it on and off, and when you are devastated about the channels you saw, automatically you turned it off...because you knew that it was a same old stories to tell. Well in an outwardly views of someone, pretty simple old machine that functions on the same manner. How boring it may seem. Going back to the yesterdays where in an old things was an awe of wonder among our elders. But , comparing to the scenarios we had. Overrated, high-in flow of standards where everyone competes to attain a higher pursuits of happiness. There seems to be a problem, even though you had it all. Puzzles never complete according to our desires. Thinking about it may imposed a conclusive rationale views, that humans were uncontended fools. Striving and pushing harder to aim the top. What's the reason of making an assumptions regarding our race. It's an obvious indication how objects represents a cruelty or indulgence of others. It may sound rubbish for some, but come to think of it. We are bombarded with a widespread solarity of technology. Years from now we might turn into a walking robots, dictating or commanding us what to do. Before it's too late, try to be sensitive once in a while. Time represents the essence of how grateful our living surroundings it can be. Be a human for godsake. I know you are tired. But just take it slow...don't go running so fast. Because goals are not a sprint of marathon or an "hunger games" which brutality represent to win the battle. Life is not about a race...is about you. How you deal with it and how you grow in it.

In need of native english speaker

As my exam is approaching fast. I badly need someone who i can interact with. I tend to stutter with it comes in speaking. Please do help me win this exam.And i'm even more willing to impart my mother tongue language.

My Rationale :( Dear Mum, Sorry if i hurt your feelings. I didn't mean to say those harsh words against you. I'm only human capable of committing mistakes. I do have had my flaws and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Please do try to listen and understand me once in awhile. I'm not questioning you on how you brought us to be who we are right now. In-fact, I'm pleased and glad to have a mother like you, who gave up her teaching career just to raised us. Here's the reason why, unintentionally I open my big mouth against you. I'm so pissed off, the moment you complained about Miranda, I knew then, that I'm the shocked absorber you got, but please do remember that its early morning i don't wanna wake up hearing your repeated sermon, and that frown face it carries a negative aura. Mum, remember that I'm working in the environment wherein, dissecting humans carries loads of stressful scenarios. As much as possible i wanna face the day with a positive outlook, despite odd things happened. Second, you're always stiffed, it seems that you lived according to rules, loosen a bit, remember it can predispose you to different conditions if you think too much. Wear a big smile always. Third, we LOVE YOU. And continue to be a good mum. Loving daughter, Annie