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It is my IELTS Writing task 1: "The line graph illustrates the levels of serious violent crime, including rape, robbery, aggravated assault and homicide during the period from 1978 to 2000. Overall, the figure for total violent crime experienced a downward trend over the period. Additionally, victimisations reported to police declined , while crimes recorded by police and arrests for violent crime increased towards the end of the period. Looking at the figures in more detail, total violent crime level started at 3,5 offenses per thousand Americans and reached its highest point in 1989, at approximately 4,5 offenses. Following that, the figure declined gradually to around 3 offenses in 2000. Turning to the remaining categories, victimisations fluctuated moderately between 2 and 2,5 offenses from 1978 to 1990 before reducing steadily to approximately 1,5 in 2000. Additionally, crimes recorded by police saw a gradual growth and then hit its peak of roughly 1,5 offenses in 1995. This figure slightly decreased but overtook that for victimisations in 2001. Interestingly, the arrest rate was the lowest, comprising around 0,3 offenses, which was nearly half of the crime rate recorded by police at the beginning of the period. The number rose steadily to about 0,8 before declining to 0,5 in 1997 and then leveling off at this level from 1999 onwards." Hope to receive your feedback.
31 Tem 2023 16:25
Düzeltmeler · 4
It is my IELTS Writing task 1: "The line graph illustrates the levels of serious violent crime, including rape, robbery, aggravated assault and homicide during the period from 1978 to 2000. (This is simply not true. There aren’t separate lines for the different crimes) Units are measured in thousands (you need to add this otherwise all your numbers are wrong) Overall, the figure for total violent crime experienced a downward trend over the period (only very marginally). Additionally, victimisations (this is not even a real crime) reported to the police declined, while crimes recorded by the police and arrests for violent crime increased towards the end of the period. Is that true? Is it a key feature?) Looking at the figures in more detail, total violent crime level started at 3.5 using , as a decimal point is wrong in English numbers) offences per thousand (it’s not per thousand, 3.5 means 3,500) Americans and reached its highest point in 1989, at approximately 4,5 offences. (Four and a half? Really??) Following that, the figure declined gradually to around 3 offences in 2000. Turning to the remaining categories, victimisations fluctuated moderately between 2 and 2,5 offenses from 1978 to 1990 before reducing steadily to approximately 1,5 in 2000. Additionally, crimes recorded by police saw a gradual growth and then hit its peak of roughly 1,5 offenses in 1995. This figure slightly decreased but overtook that for victimisations in 2001. Interestingly,( you are not giving an opinion) the arrest rate was the lowest, comprising around 0,3 offenses, which was nearly half of the crime rate recorded by police at the beginning of the period. The number rose steadily to about 0,8 before declining to 0,5 in 1997 and then leveling off at this level from 1999 onwards." Hope to receive your feedback.
To be honest this is in no way a real IELTS question. They can’t even spell below! However, it’s instructive in that you need to be careful with numbers and make sure you know what the graph is showing.
31 Temmuz 2023
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