When i grow up ، i will be a millionaire.
first i will do is buy my dream car.
then my dream house.
after that، i will travel around the world.
last i will help people who need help.

Please may you correct my writing

Question

When i grow up ، i will be a millionaire.
first i will do is buy my dream car.
then my dream house.
after that، i will travel around the world. 
last i will help people who need help.

Please may you correct my writing

Answer

When I grow up, I will be a millionaire.
The first thing I will do is buy my dream car.
Then I will buy my dream house.
After that, I will travel around the world.
Finally, I will help people who need help.

The natural and correct way to request help to correct your sentences is: Could you please correct my writing?