Learning from an IELTS band 9 model formal letter task 1 (general)
I wrote an answer to the question below in 12 minutes and it has been graded as band 9 by an experienced fellow IELTS tutor - see his comments below. In this task, the writer has some problems with his or her rented house and needs the property agency to take action. One way to learn from my answer is focus specifically on how my points:
1. deal directly with the task instructions, and
2. progress the situation.
Task: You rent a four-bedroom house, which you share with two other students. However there are several problems with this house that need fixing. You also find it expensive and would like to find another student to share the spare bedroom
Write a letter to the estate agency. In the letter,
- explain your situation
- describe the problems with the house
- say what you would like to happen
Begin your letter as follows
Dear Sir or Madam
Answer
My name is Michael Chambers and I am one of the three tenants of 48 Elm Tree Close, a property that you manage. I am writing on behalf of all three of us.
The most pressing reason for writing to you now is that the house has two main repair problems that we need you or the landlords to attend to urgently. Firstly, one of the pipes in the bathroom is leaking and this is causing damage to the carpet in that room. The other serious issue is that there are no smoke alarms fitted, which is against the law.
As well as dealing with the repair issues, we would also like you to do what you can to find a tenant for the fourth bedroom as soon as possible. We are all currently struggling financially to cover the rent for the whole property.
Could you please contact me as soon as possible to arrange a meeting with all of us to discuss the issues in this letter? I would be happy to liaise with my fellow tenants to agree on a suitable time and date.
Yours faithfully,
Michael Chambers [
188 words]
Feedback: "Yes, I'd give it a Band 9. Here's how it relates to the assessment criteria.
TA - the letter "clearly presents a fully developed response" - in other words, it responds fully to the bullet points. At Band 8, it would be a "sufficient" response, but I felt the letter was more than that.
CC - the letter 'flows' from point to point, and it's easy to follow the points. Also, the cohesion "attracts no attention" - in other words, I don't notice it, mainly because it's very natural.
LR - no errors. It's also "natural and sophisticated" vocabulary:
- "The most pressing reason for writing to you now"
- "we need you or the landlords"
- "do what you can to find a tenant"
- "We are all currently struggling financially"
As you can see, these are phrases - LR is partly about using phrases, rather than individual words.
GR - no errors. Natural and flexible use of structures.
