italki - The 28th of July - a Friend of MacDo Hello, I am Machi. It’s nice to meet you here. Could you correc

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Machi

The 28th of July - a Friend of MacDo Hello, I am Machi. It’s nice to meet you here. Could you correct me? I would love to learn more natural expressions for the spoken language. After it's corrected, I will try to practice speaking it. Thank you so much! =) ★ A few months ago, I got a new friend who lives in Mulhouse in France. And we've met several times before. Yesterday, he come over to Strasbourg, where I live currently, for his work. So we decided to meet each other after the work. It's been a long time since we met last time so I was excited. We met together and we went MacDo to grab a bite and talk. But he was basically looking at his phone. Moreover, in less than an hour after we met, he said, 'I'll take a train in 20 minutes to go back home.' and soon he left. He looked fine, was not in a bad mood or a trouble. So... WHY DID YOU ASK ME? I felt like I was just there for you to grab something not to be alone or something? Am I such a boring person? What the hell was that? A while ago, even though he was like this yesterday, he asked me on the text like “Hey Machi, Maybe I will go to Strasbourg to chill next week, MAYBE” ...Hey come on... ★ p.s. I replied just "Ah good!" haha Thank you for reading and I would be so happy if you correct me. Thank you again.

1 Ağu 2019 18:58

Düzeltmeler · 6

The 28th of July - a Friend of MacDo

Hello, I am Machi. It’s nice to meet you here.

Could you correct me? I would love to learn more natural expressions for the spoken language.

After it's corrected, I will try to practice speaking it. Thank you so much! =)

★

A few months ago, I got a new friend who lives in Mulhouse in France. <s>And </s>we've met several times before.

Yesterday, he came over to Strasbourg, where I live currently, for <s>his </s>work. So we decided to meet (each other) after <s>the </s>work. It's been a long time since we met last time so I was excited.

We met <s>together </s>and we went to MacDo to grab a bite and talk. But he was basically looking at his phone. Moreover, in less than an hour after we met, he said, 'I'll take a train in 20 minutes to go back home.' and soon he left. He looked fine, was not in a bad mood or a trouble. So... WHY DID YOU ASK ME? I felt like I was just there for you not to be alone while <s>to </s>grabbing something, or <s>something</s> what? Am I such a boring person? What the hell was that?

A while ago, even though he was like this yesterday (unclear. Like this? How?), he asked me on the text like (I would have used "He texted me") “Hey Machi, Maybe I will go to Strasbourg to chill next week, MAYBE” ...Hey, come on...

★

p.s. I replied just "Ah good!" haha

Thank you for reading and I would be so happy if you correct me. Thank you again.

Hey! I did my best. Your text was already really good, I hope this can help!

1 Ağustos 2019

Hi, Machi. Since you want to focus on more natural expressions, and because other people have already corrected your text from a grammatical angle, I'll approach it from the angle of colloquial (informal, ordinary) speech.

- Incorrect word or tense

- Corrected word or tense

- Less natural phrasing

- More natural phrasing

- Not wrong or unnecessary, but also not necessary

The 28th of July - a Friend <s style="color: rgb(240, 102, 102);">of</s> at MacDo ("Of" tends to mean "belonging to." "At" indicates location.)

★

A few months ago, I <s style="color: rgb(240, 102, 102);">got</s> made [1] a new friend who lives in Mulhouse, <s style="color: rgb(255, 194, 102);">in</s> [2] France. And we've met several times before. We've met several times since then. [3]

Yesterday, he <s style="color: rgb(240, 102, 102);">come</s> came over to Strasbourg, where I live currently where I currently live, for his work. So we decided to meet each other after <s style="color: rgb(255, 194, 102);">the</s> work. after work. / after he finished work. It's been a long time since we met last time, so I was excited. It had been a long time since we had last met, so I was excited.

We <s style="color: rgb(255, 194, 102);">met together</s> met up and <s style="color: rgb(102, 163, 224);">we</s> went MacDo to grab a bite and talk. But he was basically looking at his phone. [4] But basically all he did was look at his phone. / But he was basically just looking at his phone. Moreover, in less than an hour after we met, he said, 'I'll take a train in 20 minutes to go back home<s style="color: rgb(240, 102, 102);">.</s>,' [5] <s style="color: rgb(255, 194, 102);">and soon he left</s> and he left soon after that. He looked fine, was not in a bad mood or <s style="color: rgb(240, 102, 102);">a trouble</s> troubled. He seemed fine — wasn't in a bad mood and didn't seem troubled. So... WHY DID YOU ASK ME? I felt like I was just there for you to grab something not to be alone or something? I felt like I was just there so you wouldn't be alone while you ate, or something. Am I such a boring person? What the hell was that?

A while ago, [6] even though he was like <s style="color: rgb(255, 194, 102);">this</s> that yesterday, he <s style="color: rgb(255, 194, 102);">asked me on the text</s> texted me like, “Hey Machi, Maybe I will go to Strasbourg to chill next week, MAYBE.” ...Hey, come on... Even though he was like that yesterday, today he texted me like, "Hey, Machi, maybe I'll go to Strasbourg to chill next week. Maybe." Oi! Come on! [7]

★

1. When you become friends with someone, that is called "making a friend." You might have friends, make a friend, or meet with your friends, but you don't get friends. (Unless you're using "get" to mean "understand": "You know what I mean?" "Yeah, I get you.")

2. When you are writing about a town that is in a state or in a country, you can use a comma instead of the "in": "New York City, New York" or "Tokyo, Japan."

3. "Before" is not wrong, but it is a little vague in this sentence. "Since then" more clearly tells your reader that you and your friend met several times after you became friends, rather than meeting several times before you became friends.

4. This phrase is grammatical, and it's natural enough, but I don't think it conveys everything that you intend it to.

5. When you quote speech in the middle of a larger sentence, you replace the period at the end of the speech with a comma. This lets the reader know that the larger sentence keeps going, even though the speech sentence has ended.

6. "A while ago" implies a longer time than I think you mean. It is often used when you don't remember the precise time something happened, but you know it happened more than a week ago. "A little while ago" can mean anything from a few hours to a few days. For your sentence here, "today," or "that night," or "just now" (whatever is accurate) would be clearer.

7. There are lots of sounds that can convey frustration. "Hey" is often used when you are talking directly to someone. ("Hey! Watch where you're going!") If you're just venting by yourself, "oi," "argh," and "ugh" are typical exclamations. ("Argh, I can't believe he did that.")

1 Ağustos 2019

Dear Evette, Thank you so much for taking your time for me. It is just... AWESOME. I swear even in my language Japanese, I can't write sentences like you.hehe And also there are some words that I didn't know. So this helps me with my study a lot! Thank you so much! I will practice to speak this as well:)

1 Ağustos 2019

The 28th of July - A Friend <s>of</s> at MacDo

Hello, I am Machi. It’s nice to meet you here.

Could you correct me? I would love to learn more natural expressions for the spoken language.

After it's corrected, I will try to practice speaking it. Thank you so much! =)

★

A few months ago, I <s style="color: rgb(187, 187, 187);">got</s> met [1] a new friend who lives in Mulhouse in France, and we've met several times before.

Yesterday, he came over to Strasbourg, where I live currently, for his work, so we decided to meet each other after <s style="color: rgb(187, 187, 187);">the</s> work. It's been a long time since we (had) met the last time, so I was excited.

We met <s style="color: rgb(187, 187, 187);">together</s> [2] and we went MacDo to grab a bite and talk. But he was basically looking at his phone. Moreover, in less than an hour after we met, he said, 'I'll take a train {or: I'm taking the train} [3] in 20 minutes to go back home.' and <s style="color: rgb(187, 187, 187);">soon</s> he soon left. [4] He looked {better: seemed} fine, was not in a bad mood or <s style="color: rgb(187, 187, 187);">a</s> seemed in trouble. [5] So... WHY DID YOU ASK ME? I felt like I was just there for you to grab something, not to be alone or <s style="color: rgb(187, 187, 187);">something</s> anything else! Am I such a boring person? What the hell was that?

A little while [6] ago, even though he was like this yesterday, he <s style="color: rgb(187, 187, 187);">asked</s> told me <s style="color: rgb(187, 187, 187);">on the</s> by text {better: He texted me} something like: “Hey Machi, maybe I will {more colloquial: I'll} go to Strasbourg to chill next week, MAYBE” ...<s style="color: rgb(187, 187, 187);">Hey</s> Come on...

★

p.s. I replied just "Ah, good!" haha

Thank you for reading and I would be so happy if you correct me. Thank you again.

Maybe he just wants to go to Big Fernand next time, since there isn't one in Mulhouse! :D

<ol><li>Without the "A few months ago", you can also just say " I have/I've got a friend who lives in Mulhouse..."</li><li>You can say "we met (up)" or "we got together".</li><li>"I'll take a train..." would imply that he decided at that moment to take that particular train. "I'm taking the train in 20 minutes" implies that this was already something planned (i.e. he had already bought the ticket).</li><li>Or: "...he left shortly after(wards)."</li><li>Or: "seemed in distress."</li><li>"A while ago" would actually imply a long time, so to imply recently, we would add "a little while ago."</li></ol>

1 Ağustos 2019

Hi! Your writing is impressive. I do have a few corrections to add and you can tell me what you think. I neglected to edit your own so that you may compare the two side-by-side. A few months ago, I met a new friend living in Mulhouse, France. Yesterday, for work, my new friend traveled to Strasbourg, which is where I currently reside. Because he was in the area, we decided to meet afterward. Excitement filled me, as it has been a while since we had last seen each other. We went to chat and grab a bite at "MacDo". Unbelievably, he was looking at his phone the entire time. Moreover -less than an hour after arrival- he announced, "I'll take a train in 20 minutes to go back home." Though he seemed fine, he left soon afterward. I was befuddled and left wondering why he even asked to see me? I felt like he just wanted company while eating or something like that. Am I that boring? What the hell was that? Yesterday he sent a text, "Hey Machi! Maybe I will be chilling in Stasbourg next. MAYBE." ...Hey, come on... I hope you've enjoyed my edits and let me know if there's anything you disagree with!

1 Ağustos 2019

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