Hey there! You write very well, and I agree with many of the things you said. However, there were a few mistakes:

Some people think they work to get salary to support family or pay for their children's tuition fee. Others regard work as the goal of life and spare no pains to pursue a fulfilling career. In my view, work plays an important role in our life and it' s part of our life.
For one thing, we are forced to enlarge ourselves (enlarge does not seem like the right word. perhaps "adapt" would be better.) Everyday that we go to work, we will be confronted with different challenges or get into some trouble, at that time, we will (because you use future tense before.) try our best to figure out it. We are required to be always changing and improving our ability to qualify for these jobs.
For Another thing; we are given certain an identity by our job so we won't be uncertain about ourselves. We have a job which we should be responsible for it so that we know what to do in daily life. If we don't have a job, we will get lost, or even worse, being skeptical about the meaning of living in the world.
In summary,it is important for us to have a job and work is part of our life.

Nice job, and keep up the good work!! :D

Work as part of our life

Some people think they work to get a salary in order to support family or pay for their children's tuition fee. Others regard work as the goal of life and spare no pains to pursue a fulfilling career. In my view, work plays an important role in our life and it' s part of our life.
For one thing, we are forced to expand ourselves. Everyday we go to work, we will be confronted with different challenges or get into some trouble. At that time, we try our best to figure out it. We are required to be always changing and improve our ability to qualify to these jobs.
For another thing, we are given a certain identity by work so we won't be uncertain about ourselves. We have a job which we should be responsible for it, so we know what to do in daily life. If we don't have a job, we will get lost, or even worse, become skeptical about the meaning of living in the world.
In summary, it is important for us to have a job. Also, work is part of our life.

[Very good.  Small errors only.  Remember to put a space after commas, not before.]