Statement for a University **(Personal Statement or Application Essay?)

Since childhood, I have been interested in ships and practicing sailing with my father in Normandy, in the north of France. This hobby in the marine world encouraged me to learn about boat design and construction. Moreover, sailing enabled me to discover myself and the world. **(at a content level, I would ask you to explain this statement, give an example.) In this way, I discovered the environment of the sea, which fascinates and interests me very much/deeply. **("really" is a very casual word, not exactly appropriate for a university essay.  what about it fascinates and interests you?  again, at a content level I would ask you to explain.)

Working as a naval architect has always been a part of my career plan.  My great interest for this field has been confirmed through my studies and training course in 2012 with Vincent Lebailly, a naval architect in Caen. We worked together on several projects.  I learned **(more active than "he showed me) how to use software X **(name the software) to design the shape of the careen for a small sailing boat, and how to use Rhinoceros to create a deck plan.  I also learned how to draw up specifications for a restaurant barge and how to check specifications for a **(give dimensions - "little" is too casual) pilot boat. In addition, I improved his website ''Dessine-moi un bateau'' by XYZ **(tell what you did - copy-editing, writing, adding pictures, links? make sure to provide the www address so that your essay readers can look the site up).

I strengthened my network within the boat-making world as well, attending meetings at the Paris Boat Show, the Normandy Channel Race, and with Mssr. Lebailly's clients.  These meetings **(what about them?  what specific skills did you learn?) helped me to appreciate the commercial aspects of this job. 

I am planning to do another training course with Mssr. Lebailly next summer; training with him was both useful and enjoyable, and confirmed my belief that naval architect is the right profession for me.

 
I achieved a Baccalaureate in Science in France from University X **(name it) in 2012.  My success and interest in my Science and Mathematics coursework inspires me to pursue these fields in my career. Thanks to my academic studies, I have learnt how to be organised, rigorous and meticulous. **(how?  always good to give an example!)  I am also a serious, creative and enthusiastic person and, thanks to sailing, I have become patient and autonomous. 

The Beeng Hons Yacht Design and Production course is essential to my ambition to become a naval architect, and Southampton Solent University is a renowned university where I hope to continue my studies in this field.

Currently, I am a first-year student in Naval Architecture with Small Craft Engineering at the University of Strathclyde in Glasgow, Scotland. Here, I am continuing to learn how to use software packages such as ''Rhinoceros'' and ''Autocad'' in boat design, as well as the basic principles of Naval Architecture, Navigation and Seamanship.

I really enjoy this course and I am very motivated to continue my studies.  **(this is a little casual - are you applying to the Yacht Design and Production course?)

**whew!  your English is quite good.  most of my edits are about formatting and tone, not grammar.  good luck in your course!

Christine