The Future of the Silver Screen

IELTS Writing Task #2, General Essay:
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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Some people warn that the era of silver screen is coming to an end and that people will eventually lose interest in going to the cinema.

Do you agree or disagree with this view?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

You should write at least 250 words.

Answer:
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As media centers in the modern living room get more and more advanced, and as TV entertainment is not only broadcast via cable and satellite, but also streamed over the Internet, it needs to be discussed, which what role cinemas are going to play in the future.

(I highlighted "it needs to be discussed" because the phrasing sounds a bit strange in English, although it is grammatically correct. I might replace it with something like "As media centers ..., the future role of cinemas falls into question")

In the past three decades the amount of TV stations has significantly increased, from a handful of channels in the nineties, to the copious amounts available today. On top of that, paid services like Netflix let you choose freely,(delete the comma) how your evening entertainment will look like.

Cinemas, however, offer an entirely different experience.

Firstly, watching a movie on the silver screen is way more intense. The size of the screen for instance is overwhelming. Oftentimes movies are produced in a special three-dimensional fashion, requiring the audience to wear special glasses. On top of that, the spatial experience is enhanced by sound recorded in a special surround technique.

(This is a really good paragraph. It sounds much more natural)

Secondly, going to the movies is a social event. Often taking place on the weekend, it is an evening to meet friends and to watch a dedicated movie. (Again, the word is correct, but a native English speaker would <em>probably</em> not use "dedicated" here. I would probably say "specific," or rephrase to say "...meet friends and dedicated to watching a specific movie.")

Be that as it may, going to the movies may become quickly quite expensive. The ticket costs for a family, plus additional expenses such as popcorn and drinks, may easily surpass the monthly costs of a streaming providers, often a multiple thereof.

(Here again the highlighted portions are grammatically correct and understandable, but the word order is just slightly strange. I would probably say "going to the movies is quickly becoming quite expensive" or "going to the movies may quickly become quite expensive." English speakers like to put their adverbs in front of the verb. For the second sentence I would say "The ticket costs for a family, ..., may easily surpass the monthly costs of streaming providers, often being many times that amount.")

In my personal opinion, both movie theaters and home entertainment have their individual benefits. For example, I basically watch every new movie I am interested in at a theater, while my living room sports cable and Internet TV. I prefer to watch fresh new films in a cinema, this way I can see them in the best quality available and as soon as possible. On the other hand, I love watching TV series and oldies in the comfort of my home and on my high definition television. My impression is, that cinemas are still very popular and will continue to be accepted in the future.

Overall this was very well written with a few mistakes. Pay attention to word order. Also, you use commas in a few places where I would not use commas, and you did not use commas in a few places where I would use commas. Otherwise it is very good.

Remarks:
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328 words

Misspelled words:
overwhelming
benefit
to be intereste