Here are the definitions to those two verbs: “Lay” means to put down, especially gently or carefully. “Put” means to move or place in a particular position. Put is used when you’re being more specific, as to placement but it’s doesn’t necessarily mean to gently or carefully do it, if that makes sense. For example, “Please put that down.” Or, “Put that over there.” “Put the car in neutral.” “Can you put the clothes in the dryer?” When you use the word lay, it’s expressed in a careful or gentle way. “Please lay down and go to sleep.” “I laid my child down on the bed.” “Lay your head on my shoulder.” But it depends on who you ask, depending on how they speak and/or use English, their responses might be different. Does this help?

I think lay has more a sense of placing in order over a longer period of time. But you can only really use each of these verbs in different contexts. They are not interchangeable. You lay a table - put the knives, forks and plates down in order. You lay down - place yourself down on a bed. You lay out arguments (explain a situation for doing something one way or another). You put the knife down - you let it go from your hand but there isn't the same idea of arranging it in a particular way as with lay. You out a dog down - you kill it if it is suffering You put the kids down for the night - you get them into bed and off to sleep. I think there is no simple rule to help you. You need to see each word in context and take it from there.

These words confuse a lot of people. We "lie" down to go to sleep. Lie = recline. ex. "I'm tired, I'm going to lie down". Past tense of lie is lay. "Yesterday, he lay down to sleep at eight o'clock. Lay, means to put something down, as in "lay an egg", "lay the books on the table". Past tense of lay is laid. "The chicken laid 5 eggs."

You can lay yourself down and sleep, but can not put down and sleep.