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Hello, everybody. Could someone kindly give his/her feedback on my essay? It is written for the integrated task in the sample TOEFL test.
I am sorry that I didn't provide the reading passage and the listening script; they a too big to be placed here.
My essay:
The lecture and the passage both deal with the ways to tackle the decline of Torreya taxifolia. Whilst the author of the passage states that the following three solutions are quite efficacious in preserving these trees, the lectrurer opposes the claims. In her opinion, these solutions are not helpful.
Firstly, the woman maintains that the coolest and dampest places in the northern part of Florida are not suitable to reestablesh these trees there since those places become drier over time. This happens due to either global climate change or the decrease in number of wetlands. This directly refutes the assertion made in the passage that relocating Torreya trees in the same location (northern Florida) where they thrived is one of the solutions to help these trees not to die out.
Secondly, the speaker contends that moving Torreya trees to other places is not a bright idea as there may be unpredictable repercussions. She empowers and exemplifies her opinion with a certain kind of tree (Black Locost) which was planted in the past in a new place. Consequently, this kind of tree quickly spread there and killed many other endangered local trees. This statement disproves the author's assertion that planting Torreya seed in a new place is a proper way to aid them not to go extinct.
Thirdly, the lecturer mentions that confining Torreya trees in research centers is a bad solution since these trees are in need of larger areas of habitat in order to diversify their population and hence resist to various diseases. This point challenges the suggestion made by the author that it is possible to preserve Torreya trees in research centres.
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الإجابات · 1
1
Overall, I think it's really good and I really like your writing style. But to nitpick:
1st paragraph: spelling error: lecturer
2nd paragraph: for formal writing- especially when you've already used British style when you said "whilst" (in the US, we would use "while")- I would say: re-establish.
2nd paragraph: style point: for formal writing, I would add one more "to" ...due to either global climate change or to the decrease...
2nd paragraph: for clarity: "where they once thrived"
3rd paragraph: spelling: "Black Locust"
Style point, two instances: You might want to think of other ways to write the sentences without using the appositive phrases in parentheses, i.e. (northern Florida), (Black Locust.) In the case of (northern Florida), I would recommend simply saying that since the fact that is a location would be apparent from the context.
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Cardinal
المهارات اللغوية
الأذرية, الإنجليزية, الروسية
لغة التعلّم
الإنجليزية
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