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林杰洋【SovietWizard】
Can Anyone tell me if this passage is good? It is about someone going to a gong fu class and explaining what happened. It is supposed to be a comedy(需要幽默的). I know there is a lot of 了, and I don't know if I need more, need to remove some, or change the location of the 了。
哎哟终于等到了把我等了很久在外面,嗑睡都等出来了。不上功夫课之前喷了一点六神花露水,瞬间精神一下就来了。就然后我做了少林功夫,那我就知道我准备好了去功夫课。
١٢ يناير ٢٠٢٢ ٠٠:١٣
الإجابات · 6
المدعو
1
哎哟!终于等到了。我在外面等了很久,嗑睡都等出来了。我在上功夫课之前喷了一点六神花露水,瞬间精神起来了。然后我练习了少林功夫,我知道我已经准备好了去上功夫课。
١٢ يناير ٢٠٢٢
Hi, Wizard from the Soviets!
First please let me clarify that I fully appreciate your effort in this short story and what I'm saying here aims nothing offensive but help. 六神花露水 is pretty good since it's quite some local stuff only locals know.
Honestly speaking, this is not a good passage and cannot be even average if I may say so. It's neither entertaining nor readable for native speakers. However, I kind of see what you want to express cause I see a lot of indications of Google Translate. Don't worry, I will try my best to fix it.
Here's how I would like to put this story. (Pretty much like some talk show)
干,可算让我等到了。我在外面等了不知道多长时间,都快睡着了!你们猜我干嘛了?我上课前喷了点六神花露水,一下子就来劲了。劲上来了, 我就练了套拳,之后我就进去了。
Here's the translation for you to see if this is what you want.
Yeah, finally it's my turn. I've been waiting outside the door for days, almost falling asleep! You know what? I got myself some 六神花露水 and I was immediately lighted up. Since I'm so full of energy, I did some kong fu and then walk straight in.
Right me if I'm wrong Mr. Wizard. I assume that you first got your draft in Eng and then you translated it into Chinese. I can imagine it would be quite entertaining if you are doing some English talk show. However, I doubt it will work in Chinese since as native speakers we kind of have another sense of humor.
Anyway, my pleasure to help you, sir, hopefully, haha. I'm not a native English speaker so maybe you can also listen to others' opinions.
١٢ يناير ٢٠٢٢
Why is this showing up in my feed when the “English” filter is selected?
١٢ يناير ٢٠٢٢
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林杰洋【SovietWizard】
المهارات اللغوية
الصينية (المندرية), الصينية (أخرى), الإنجليزية, الفرنسية, أخرى, الروسية
لغة التعلّم
الصينية (المندرية), الصينية (أخرى), الفرنسية, أخرى
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