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A Poem by Ahmad Shamloo Here below comes a poem by Ahmad Shamloo is famous Modern Poet and known as a "master of liberty" in Iran and its link to listen to him with his own voice. I just translated it in to English . Pls correct it.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kf8O-YhQUd0 اشک رازی ست Tear is a mystery لبخند رازی ست Smile is a mystery عشق رازی ست Love is a mystery اشک آن شب لبخند عشق ام بود That tears of night was my Love`s smile قصه نیستم که بگوئی I`m not story that you tell نغمه نیستم که بخوانی I`m not melody that you sing صدا نیستم که بشنوی I`m not the sound that you hear یا چیزی چنان که ببینی Or something as you see یا چیزی چنان که بدانی Or something as you know من درد مشترک ام I am the common(joint?) pain مرا فریاد کن Cry me now درخت با جنگل سخن میگوید Tree speaks with the forest علف با صحرا Grass with the desert ستاره با کهکشان Star with the Galaxy و من با تو سخن میگویم And I speak with you نام ات را به من بگو Tell me your name دست ات را به من بده Give me your hand حرف ات را به من بگو Tell me your word(your talk, your saying?) قلب ات را به من بده Give me your heart من ریشه های تو را دریافته ام I understood your root با لبان ات برای همه لب ها سخن گفته ام I have spoken to all the lips with your lips و دست های ات با دستان من آشناست And your hands is familiar with my hands در خلوت روشن با تو گریسته ام I have cried in a bright private with you برای خاطر زنده گان For the living ones و در گورستان تاریک با تو خوانده ام And I have sang with you in a dark cemetery زیباترین سرودها را The best songs زیرا که مرده گان این سال Cause, the victims of this year عاشق ترین زنده گان بوده اند was the most lover of residences دست ات را به من بده Give me your hand دست های تو با من آشناست your hands is familiar with me ای دیریافته با تو سخن میگویم Oh ( "late to obtained"? "late to found" )I`m speaking with you به سان ابر که با توفان Like a cloud which speaks with the storm به سان علف که با صحرا Like a grass which speaks with the desert به سان باران که با دریا like a rain which speaks with the ocean به سان پرنده که با بهار Like a bird which speaks with the spring به سان درخت که با جنگل سخن میگوید Like a tree which speaks with the forest زیرا که من because me ریشه های تو را دریافته ام understood your root زیرا که صدای من Cause, my voice با صدای تو آشناست Is familiar with your voice
١٣ يونيو ٢٠١٢ ٢٠:٣٤
التصحيحات · 36

I can only do so in the English part and guess what you are trying to say using the mechanical translators.

 

A Poem by Ahmad Shamloo

Here below comes a poem by Ahmad Shamloo is famous Modern Poet and known as a "master of liberty" in Iran and its link to listen to him with his own voice. I just translated it in to English . Pls correct it..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kf8O-YhQUd0

اشک رازی ست A tear is a mystery or Tears are a mystery
لبخند رازی ست A smile is a mystery or Smiles are a mystery
عشق رازی ست Love is a mystery
If I did not detect the same pattern on the left hand side, I would have corrected it as

"A tear is a mystery,

A smile is mysterious

And so too is love."


اشک آن شب لبخند عشق ام بود That Tears of night was my beloved's Love`s smile


قصه نیستم که بگوئی I`m not a story that you can tell
نغمه نیستم که بخوانی I`m not a melody that you can sing
صدا نیستم که بشنوی I`m not the a sound that you can hear
یا چیزی چنان که ببینی Or something as you can see
یا چیزی چنان که بدانی Or something as you can know
Like the above reasoning, if not for the pattern in the original source, I would write as

"I am not a story you can tell,

A melody you can sing,

Or a sound you can hear.

Not something you can see

or something you can know."


من درد مشترک ام I am the common(joint?) pain. Something I cannot help.  Google translator says, "I am the joint pain".

مرا فریاد کن Cry me now This is difficult, using, "for", "on" "to" all are different in meaning! Bing translator says, "Made me cry now"
درخت با جنگل سخن میگوید A tree speaks with the forest
علف با صحرا The grass with the desert
ستاره با کهکشان The stars with the Galaxy
و من با تو سخن میگویم And I speak with you

نام ات را به من بگو Tell me your name
دست ات را به من بده Give me your hand
حرف ات را به من بگو Tell me your word(your talk, your saying?) This means "to promise"
قلب ات را به من بده Give me your heart
من ریشه های تو را دریافته ام I understooand your root soul. In English, the soul is the root of your being.
با لبان ات برای همه لب ها سخن گفته ام I have spoken to all the My lips spoke to yours with your lips
و دست های ات با دستان من آشناست And your hands is are familiar with my hands mine.

در خلوت روشن با تو گریسته ام I have cried in a bright private with you from google
برای خاطر زنده گان For the sake of the living ones also from google and second guessing

 و در گورستان تاریک با تو خوانده ام And I have sang with sung to you in a the dark cemetery
زیباترین سرودها را The best songs
زیرا که مرده گان این سال Cause, the victims of this year of victims who died this year
عاشق ترین زنده گان بوده اند was the most lover of residences of love when they were alive.

This is unclear. Did the songs sung to you (the dead one) are the love of the victims who died this year? or you are singing to the victims who died this year about love of the living?


دست ات را به من بده Give me your hand
دست های تو با من آشناست your hands is familiar with mine me
ای دیریافته با تو سخن میگویم Oh ( "late to obtained"? "late to found" )I`m speaking with you
به سان ابر که با توفان Like a cloud which speaking with the storm "with the storm" or "to the storm"? They mean differently.
به سان علف که با صحرا Like a blade of grass which speaks speaking with the desert or like the grass
به سان باران که با دریا like a raindrop which speaks speaking  with the ocean or like the rain speaking...
به سان پرنده که با بهار Like a bird which speaks speaking with the spring
به سان درخت که با جنگل سخن میگوید Like a tree which speaks speaking with the forest

زیرا که من because of me
ریشه های تو را دریافته ام understood your root understand my soul
زیرا که صدای من because my voice
با صدای تو آشناست Is familiar with your voice or "is your voice"

١٣ يونيو ٢٠١٢

I rewrote it after Jeff`s corrections :

 

 اشک رازی ست A Tear is a mystery 

 لبخند رازی ست A smile is mysterious

 عشق رازی ست And so too is love

اشک آن شب لبخند عشق ام بود Tears of night, my beloved`s smile

 قصه نیستم که بگوئی I`m not a story you can tell

 نغمه نیستم که بخوانی I`m not a melody you can sing

 صدا نیستم که بشنوی I`m not a sound you can hear

 یا چیزی چنان که ببینی Not something you can see

 یا چیزی چنان که بدانی Or something you can know

 من درد مشترک ام I am the shared pain

 مرا فریاد کن let your cries be my cries

 درخت با جنگل سخن میگوید A tree speaks with the forest

 علف با صحرا The grass with the desert

 ستاره با کهکشان The stars with the Galaxy

 و من با تو سخن میگویم And I speak with to you

 نام ات را به من بگو Tell me your name

 دست ات را به من بده Give me your hand

 حرف ات را به من بگو Tell me your grivances

 قلب ات را به من بده Give me your heart

 من ریشه های تو را دریافته ام I understand your soul

 با لبان ات برای همه لب ها سخن گفته ام I speak to all with your lips

 و دست های ات با دستان من آشناست And your hands are familiar with mine

 در خلوت روشن با تو گریسته ام I cried in bright? private with you

 برای خاطر زنده گان For the sake of the living ones

 و در گورستان تاریک با تو خوانده ام And I sing to you in the darkness of the cemetery

 زیباترین سرودها را The best songs

 زیرا که مرده گان این سال of victims who died this year

 عاشق ترین زنده گان بوده اند of love when they were alive.

 دست ات را به من بده Give me your hand,

 دست های تو با من آشناست your hands is familiar with mine

 ای دیریافته با تو سخن میگویم Oh, ( "late to obtained"? "late to found" ) how late it is that (?) I`m speaking with to you

 به سان ابر که با توفان Like a cloud speaking with storm

 به سان علف که با صحرا Like a blade of grass speaking with the desert

 به سان باران که با دریا like a raindrope speaking with ocean

 به سان پرنده که با بهار Like a bird speaking with the spring

 به سان درخت که با جنگل سخن میگوید Like a tree speaks with forest

 زیرا که من because of me

 ریشه های تو را دریافته ام Understand your soul

 

There is a difference between "speaking to" and "speaking with".  Since this person is dead, "to" is more appropriate.  "Bright privacy" has no meaning in English.  Does bright here means "clear"?  "I speak clearly to you in private."

٢١ يونيو ٢٠١٢

I found a book it that has 77 translations from Saeed Saeedpoor of Ahmad Shamlou poems composed by Ahmad Shamlou by a Good translator(Saeed Saeedpoor). I just put it here because I respect feel for this poem and dont didn't want to change its meaning.

 

However, I coudn`t transmit there are parts of the poem I cannot convey the meaning from in Farsi to English no matter how much although I tried.  to, in some parts. Here Below comese is the translation of from Saeedpoor :

 

Public Love Tear`s A secret اشک رازیست A smile`s a secret لبخند رازیست Love`s a secret عشق رازیست My tears that night was were the smile of my love اشک آن شب لبخند عشقم بود I`m no tale to tell قصه نیستم که بگویی I`m no song to sing, نغمه نیستم که بخوانی I`m no voice to hear صدا نیستم که بشنوی Nor something to see یا چیزی چنانکه ببینی Nor something to know یا چیزی چنانکه بدانی I`m the common pain من درد مشترکم Cry me out مرا فریاد کن The tree talks to forest درخت با جنگل سخن میگوید The weed to the desert علف با صحرا The stars to galaxy, ستاره با کهکشان And I talk to you و من با تو سخن میگویم Tell me your name نامت را به من بگو Give me your hand دستت را به من بده Tell me your words حرفت را به من بگو Give me your heart قلبت را به من بده I found out your roots من ریشه های تو را دریافته ام With your lips I have talked to all lips با لبانت برای همه لبها سخن گفته ام And your hands are known to mine. و دستهایت با دستان من آشناست In bright solitude I`ve wept with you در خلوت روشت با تو گریسته ام For the sake of the living. برای خاطر زندگان And in the dark morgue I`ve a song for you (or I have sung to you) with you و در گورستان تاریک با تو خوانده ام The fairest of hymns, زیبا ترین سرودها را For the dead this year زیرا که مردگان این سال Were the greatest lover alive. عاشق ترین زندگان بودند Give me your hand دستت را به من بده Your hands are known to me دستهای تو با من آشناست O Long-besought, to you I talk: ای دیر یافته با تو سخن میگویم Like the cloud to tempest به سان ابر که با توفان Like the weed to desert به سان علف که با صحرا li

 

It's really a shame I don't know Farsi.  I can only guess from the English.  You need to copy the translation more carefully.  You have spelling errors.

١٧ يوليو ٢٠١٢
Thank you Tiulpan, This poet was the Noble prize Candidate.
١٨ يوليو ٢٠١٢
Nice poem you wrote!
١٧ يوليو ٢٠١٢
أظهِر المزيد
هل تريد التطور بشكل أسرع؟
انضم لمجتمع التعلّم هذا وجرّب التمرينات المجانية!