One day after the divorce, Jen crawled out of her bed late in the morning. She remembered Luna, and the time she came to her bed and tickled her, then they will laughed together, then she realized of that all the time she was had been in love with Luna, and they are were both lesbians.
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[1] 'Crumble' is a verb, and 'crumbled' is its past tense.
"She would crumble under the strain."
"She crumbed under the strain."
Your writing is very good. There were two common problems in this story. First was not using past tense. Second was the use of "run on sentences". (Please tell me if you cannot find information about "run on sentences.) Other than those mistakes, you did very well to incorporate the new words into a story.
Jen and Luna (a story I just made up to help me remembering the words I learned)
I just started watching movies and TV series without subtitles lately. Yesterday I watched a comedy called ‘The Exes’. It was all right and I find found myself 9 nine words short of understanding the whole show. They are shove over, swap, assortment, crumble, crawl, tickle, hooks, intervention, and braid each other’s hair. I’ll try to make up a little story with these 9 nine words, so it might help me to remember it them all. And also, since I’m unfamiliar with these words, please tell me if I used it in a wrong way any incorrectly. Ok, here it goes.
Jen and Luna are 2 two girls who grew up together. Ever since they were little, they played together, they would braid each other’s hair, they went shopping together and helped each other with the straps and hooks when buying dresses. They loved dresses just like every little girl does. They were obsessed with an assortment of clothes on display in the shopping mall such that they used to spend hours in it.
Jen met this man, Ted, at the age of 26. They fell in love very soon and, having swapped their rings and vows, they were married. Everyone was happy for them except Luna, she was crumbled [1], in a way she doesn’t didn't even know why understand. Jen was not happily married either. Ever since she got married, she felt there was something wrong. She doesn’t didn't share much in common with Ted. He was a couch potato the whole time and whenever Jen wants wanted to watch the TV, too, he would shove over. They never actually talked. Soon she started arguing with Ted. Their marriage was on the edge of falling apart. At first there was would be intervention by relatives and friends, but it didn’t work, and they had a divorce.
(Italki limits the number of corrections I can make. I'll correct the final paragraph separately.)