March 23, 2019

March 23, 2019

My parents and I recently went to a phone store to upgrade our smartphones. Unfortunately, since it was the first time that they ever had that kind of cell phone, they simply did not understand how to use many of its features very well. Thus, they bought flip phones soon afterward in order to simplify things for themselves, but then, they were then unable to access web pages. Consequently, to resolve all of these usage problems, when we were at the store, they merely exchanged their smartphones for new tablets instead. As for me, I am quite content after exchanging mine for an updated model, but I have noticed that the newer one is a bit heavier than the previous one was.

Hi, Kotokoto (*-^). Good job! The changes that I made were to allow your sentences to sound more natural to my native ears, to clarify and explain your ideas, and for ease of reading. Apologies if I misinterpreted your thoughts!  I hope that this helps you. J.

*More than anything else, I just wanted to point out the reasoning behind why Sam modified your initial sentence. Both “my parents” and “I” are valid subjects separately, so grammatically, technically, and theoretically, there is nothing wrong with putting either one first. However, in the English language, convention, custom, or simple courtesy, dictates that the speaker/writer (“I”) is always placed in the second position in such constructions.

From Robin's comment, I can see that you made that change to clarify that both of your parents each have their own smartphone, but to me, it remained  unclear as to when (and how/why) the tablets arrived, and if the change of the parents’ smartphones (as stated in your initial sentence…) actually happened. While my version above (based on logic…) answers all of those questions, only you know if the events actually happened that way… (e.g., You and I, My father and I, My wife and I, etc.)

Finally, notice how I only used the word “smartphone” twice, yet, the reader can still understand the meaning of my sentences. So, be sure to use pronouns (its, mine, one) in place of the noun whenever possible to avoid repetition.