Ok, you haven't included everything you say in the written version.
Some of the problems I noticed... /w/ you pronounce like /v/ e.g. awake
The vowel sounds in water (sounded like waiter), tousled, thoughts, cute (I think thats what you meant to say)
Your rhythm is off - you may need to think more about sentence stress in order to get better at this.
That said I understood about 90% of what of you were saying without reading the script, so not a bad effort... keep up the good work!