I need help with a Japanese Haiku I need to know if this follows the rules of a traditional Japanese haiku as well as if it's any good. My Japanese is still very much at a beginning level but it's ver

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Chandra

I need help with a Japanese Haiku I need to know if this follows the rules of a traditional Japanese haiku as well as if it's any good. My Japanese is still very much at a beginning level but it's very important to me that this haiku be in Japanese and it will be read by a fluent Japanese speaker. I have made sure to add a Kigo and a Kireji, mostly I am concerned about if it follows the 5-7-5 rule and if it makes any sense. Thank you for any and all help 夜寒月寂しい思いや一緒に太陽

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Unfortunately, your haiku doesn't follow the rules of haiku. I'm not good at haiku, but I know some rules. Before explaining, I present a famous haiku. 「古池や　蛙飛びこむ　水の音」 by松尾芭蕉(Matsuo Bashou) （ふるいけや　かわずとびこむ　みずのおと） Old pond frog jumps the sound of water →The ancient pond / A frog leaps in / The sound of the water. (Transrated by Donald Keene) 【Basic 2 Rules】 ①Haiku needs one "season word(季語: kigo)" in one sentence. In this example, the "season word" is 蛙(かわず). The frog appears in spring in Japan, so 蛙 is a spring's season word. By the way, 月 is a autumn's season word. Because the moon gets beautiful in autumn. The air of autumn is clear. It depends on Japanese climate. ②Haiku has 17 sounds in hiragana. (5+7+5=17) Your haiku in hiragana, 「寒い夕方冬の月を見るや一緒に太陽」さむいゆうがた　ふゆのつきを　みるや　いっしょに　たいよう (25 sounds) There are too many sounds... I think that the first rules is difficult. Therefore, I recommend making haiku within 17 sounds. The second rule is easier than first one. Good luck!!

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