About a weird story in my head Melanoma, the worst skin cancer, one month left. Holding his death penalty, Mr Y was extremely calm, even his doctor looked more worried while staring at his pale face. “Well, that’s new", thought Mr Y, “and perhaps the most dramatic scene in my whole life.” He didn’t remember how he got out of the hospital, merely wandering on the street without destination. People passed by rapidly with same cold faces, no one pays even a tiny attention to a poor, desperate man. “Look at this world, I’m nobody here, the planet runs every day without me.” “Maybe death is not the end, maybe it’s not a so bad thing, maybe it’s a relief for someone like me, a mediocre little man.” He grinned, or he thought he did, for a kid nearby seemed scared looking at him. “No wait, but I have sth unfinished, I have dreams to realize. I’m always too busy with my work to learn playing the cello, I’m always short of time and money to see a bigger world, and I’m always too shy to ask my neighbor girl out for a cup of coffee.” The sunlight was so glaring, hurting his eyes. “Oh Lord, it’s not right, it’s not fair, why me, why now, I’ve been such a good person since I was a kid.” It’d be a lie that he was not afraid of death, actually he was scared to death now. “Who would mourn for me, my parents? Sure they would, since they kept regarding my bad feeling as illusion. My friends? Well, they’ll be over it before long.” He collapsed by the wall all in sudden, with his face in his hands. “Look at this damn world.” Legs moved back and forth in front of him, but he couldn’t see anything now.

About emotions I used to brag that I was a quite rational person who would never behave emotionally, at least pretend not to be in public. I preferred to be a cool youth, with a poker face everywhere and a weird complacence enjoying popcorn while others were sobbing for the lines and stories of movies. But recently I found it’s becoming harder for me to feel this way for reasons that haven’t come to light. One time, not long ago, my whole cheeks were wet of tears at the end of “The Imitation Game”, a film which retrospected the incredible life and achievements of Alan Turing, a highly talented pioneer of computer science and A.I. His pains were also on me when he struggled to fight for his honor and belief against ignorance and malevolence from people he used to save. Then came the season of my graduation from college and the end of my internship. I smiled and talked to my colleagues and classmates as usual while feeling a kind of pain in my throat. The thought that I might never see them again stung me, but when I tried to tell them that they meant a lot to me and I would miss all the great time we shared together, I failed to say it out, holding my oriental connotation. I’m getting emotional probably because I’m getting older inside, I cry for others for them bringing my experience and memories back to me, I cry for my real life for realizing time’s tick-tacking without hesitation and sympathy. I feel emotional probably because I’m aware that nothing endures forever and cherishing sth precious before it actually passes away may be a better idea than mourning afterwards.

About change An old friend of mine from my junior high school who’s studying abroad now recently told me that she’s willing to get a master degree after undergraduate school, for the advanced courses in her college include subjects of management, finance, marketing and something like that which are quite attractive to her and also practical for her possible future profession in finance. I was surprised because as i know she was not a so diligent student before, smart, but cared more about living in the present and having fun. Another old friend from junior high who’s also attending college in a foreign country, on the contrary, is living in an opposite way. As a generally considered good student in the past, now she’s taking parties, dates, and nightlife as a big part of her life. She is still intelligent enough to behave well in exams, doing assignments till midnight, but it seems that she’s not sure about her goal, merely studying to get a paper of degree. I’m not saying my friend A enjoys a brighter future than my friend B does, or some places offer better academic atmosphere, or hard work equals an ideal life. What i’m thinking is that people are so changeable, their habits, their personalities, their ways of life, their thoughts while seeing the world, everything can turn better or worse with every step of people’s growth and further understanding of real life. But the belief deep inside should stay unchanged i suppose. The belief that i’ll reach my goal one day stimulates all kinds of driving forces to push me ahead, even though i keep doubting myself, keep feeling desperate, and keep being stuck by failure. Up or out, that’s the most important lesson I've learnt in the past 20 and more years of my life. The jungle world is for the strong ones, and those who are expert in dealing with changes from both inside and outside regardless of the hunters who are ready to screw them up any minute.

About my internship My internship as an assistant of the finance department in a German firm is coming to an end. The job has lasted 4 months, but now I’m not sure how I feel about such experience. I’ve learnt much from this internship, indeed. Compared with my experiences in national banks and private firms I worked for before, this one is no doubt the best. Working in a new environment, with new colleagues, and new sort of work, I’m convinced that I’m currently more familiar with accounting skills, and better at communicating with various people. The only problem is, it seems so far away from what i keep dreaming for. Actually all my past internships left me the same question: is that exactly what I want to do in my most energetic condition during the peak of my lifetime, collating bills or doing rigid paper work every day to the day of retirement? The truth is, I’m not a top student from a top college, with no incredibly high IQ or special skills. Still, like all students who learn finance, sometimes I see the vision of a job on the Wall Street, admire the traders who do maths with a ton of information from the financial markets across the world, and the MD in Goldman Sachs who organize and do researches on M&A or IPO with their team members, a job with changes and challenges all the time, stressing but fascinating. All I have now is a dream, which drives me all over to read, to think, to practice increasingly. I have no idea how far i can go or where life will lead me to. Perhaps one day I look up right on my long trudge, I will see wonders.

Why don’t western women want to marry Chinese men I've read an amusing article recently about the phenomenon that few western women are willing to marry Chinese men. Since I have no idea what to write about this week, I’d like to translate this article and hope to get some corrections. A British female professor, who’s gotten in touch with many Chinese males, thought they have a strong sense of control, longing for attention and respect from women. Unlike western men, Chinese males usually think in a quite complex way, so it’s sometimes hard to understand what’s exactly on their mind. A Swedish girl who has live in China for a long time said “Chinese men are less muscular than western men and sadly shorter than western girls in many conditions. It’s generally admitted that women won’t prefer a bf or a husband smaller than them, nor will men want to look tinier than girls.” Besides, “western women are universally independent, who’d love to share housework with their husbands. On the contrary, women in China mostly saddle a burden of all the housework without their husbands’s help, even though they already have a full-time job. For western women who are trying to adapt themselves to the Chinese society, such sort of family life is impossible to imagine. At least I’m not able to do that.” Another lady’s idea was that Chinese men are generally short of confidence, which may stem from their shyness, spoiled youth, conservative mind, lack of romanticism and ability of communication. In conclusion, there are five reasons that stop western women from getting married with Chinese men, including that Chinese males are not handsome enough, with no angular features on their faces; they look less sexier and hairy; that are deficient in a sense of humor, and it’s the most unbearable characteristic from western women’s observation; they have no decent demeanor to be British-style gentlemen; also they are inadequate for women’s needs of consideration, some may be scared of their wives, but most are less likely to be truly concerned about them.

About a trip in hometown As rain fell, i met three girls from Big Apple on a Monday morning. I was going to show them around Shanghai as a volunteer. We’ve been all looking forward to this day in spite of the bad weather. We started from the Bund, which is one of the most remarkable landmarks of SH. The area is located in the center of the city within highrises and old buildings in the midst of which flowed the Huangpu River. Everything looked dim in a heavy rain and perhaps pollution, but tourists would by no means be stopped. I’ve seen the Bund in all kinds of conditions, sunny or rainy days, lighted by sunshine or decorated by building lights, the architectures with a combination of both Chinese and Western cultures and both modern and traditional styles would never be out of fashion, i told my guests. We walked along the Bund, taking photos, and enjoying the rare moment when there were only few crowds on a rainy Monday here. Our next stop was the Yu Garden, which is another well-known scenic spot distinguished by its shopping streets, snack bars and a feeling of ancient time. We tried the famous Xiaolongbao with crab meat inside and walked around in a delighted mood. Even i, as a local, was attracted by the long zigzag streets covered with dashing wares because to be honest, it’s been years since the last time i visited this place. We talked about ourselves, our hometowns, and extraordinary experience in the past along the way, walking among a crowds of people from everywhere across the world with the same delighted expression on the faces. Unfortunately it then rained so heavily that we had to end the journey. My guests kindly gave me exquisite gifts, which was such a surprise since i was not aware that i had done something special. Anyway, it was an enjoyable day which we all appreciated. Something brought us together through thousands miles of distance, and may the luck goes with all of us wherever we are.

About hometown An American guy was talking about his hometown when we chatted online. He: “The stars are up here.” Me: “Haven’t seen stars for years here.” He: “It snowed so much lately and it’s not good for driving.” Me: “It’s like a festival when it snows here, and i’ve been wearing very few clothes in the last winter.” He: “……” It may not be weird that a southern city rarely sees heavy snow and chilling winter, but it was not like this when i was little. I still remember the first time i saw snowflakes flying over, as soft angels kissing the earth, i rushed out and stood in the silence of a brave new world. I still remember all sorts of blues painting the sky all days and all nights, never realized how shining and precious stars were until they vanished somehow. The truth is, i’ve just experienced the shortest and warmest winter i’ve ever had, during which there was no snow, no ice, no sign of this beautiful season. My foreign friend wondered if the country would offer a better life, but it’s another sad story that the countryside is no longer a wonderland as people imagined. Clear sky and dazzling trees and crops stay in mind, but visible haze and muddy rivers flowing across factories and dumps stay in reality. There is no wonderland here, not in my hometown, not in most part of my home country. I don’t even feel furious or anxious about what i’m living in, merely weak and sackless. I’m convinced that if one is not able to or not willing to change sth, don't grumble it. But who will actually care about what we are supposed to care about?

About gender equality I took a weekly radio address from President Obama as listening material last week, its title was “Let Girls Learn”, an initiative launched by Mr. and Ms. Obama to encourage more girls to go to school. The appeal was touching and really necessary, at least in my home country, women are not so valued for their minds, and as people know, the Chinese have a distinct preference for boys when a family gives birth to new babies. The situation today is getting better admittedly. Compared with the ancient time, when women were fairly treated as appendants of men, prevented from school or walking out frequently or even behaving too impressive, women living in a modern society enjoy more freedom and human rights. When Mr Obama said that girls in many parts of the world were under risk of being suppressed by men who would do anything to stop girls from learning, or were forced to quit school so as to raise kids, i thought “Oh that’s horrible, such kind of evil only happens in rural areas of China i suppose.” But wait. The absence of violence from men doesn’t equal to gender equality. I don't suffer direct threats from men or commands from my parents who refuse to send me to school, but i’m indeed surrounded by people—parents, relatives, males, even some women—who hold a firm thought that it is unnecessary for girls to get a too high educational degree and a high pay job, no need to be smart and competitive but gentle and virtuous instead, doing a stable and decent work and getting married with a man with good money. Put the feasibility aside, what on earth makes them think girls cannot do higher demanded jobs as men do? It’s true that few women stand on peaks of most industries, but i truly believe it’s a result of barriers that stand in the way of women who want to learn more, who want to share the same opportunities with men, but so distracted by doing laundry, raising babies and all the so-called responsibilities coerced by society. It’s plain wrong to brain wash girls with some stupid stereotype or suppress their nature however talented and inquisitive they are, regardless of their craving for chasing dreams on the career path. Because every girl deserves respect and equal rights to choose her own way to make things happen.

About sth i’m furious at A guy from New Zealand, who worked in Taiwan before and now study Mandarin in Shanghai, told me that mainlanders were not so friendly and helpful to him, which disappointed him a lot. To be honest, i’m not even a little surprised, since i know the situation so well and had warned him before he came here, especially he’s just come from Taiwan, where gentle and warmhearted locals are all over. I went to the State Administration of Foreign Exchange several days ago to draw a bill, very simple business. Nevertheless, the agency, like all other bureaucracies in China, was packed with indifferent and unhelpful employees, who gave me a hard time. The young woman at the counter greeted me with a cold face and faint voice. “Excuse me, i’d like to draw a bill please, here’s the voucher.” said i. “Sign it.” She threw me a pile of paper and said with no expression or eye contact. “Uh…I’m sorry, where exactly should i sign my name…?” I’m shortsighted. “Can’t you see such an obvious blank line?!” Said the impatient voice. “Well…i…oh, ok, i see it.” I tried to keep calm, left with a Thank You still and really hoped not to go back there again. I guess she is supposed to be reminded that she and her colleagues and employers and all other officials like her are fed by taxpayers, like me. Perhaps she was exhausted, she had a bad day, or she was depressed by her mechanic and bureaucratic job. However, for god’s sake, is it a basic etiquette to treat people politely with a Please or Thanks or at least a smile? I don’t mind you act like a shit if you are a stranger on a random street, but and employee of service on behalf of the government who is supposed to be professional? It seems not to be my fault that you do such a dull job and loaf away your life in a tedious atmosphere, but you deserve it. I keep telling people that i’m so used to unfriendliness since i live in modern China, or i’m quite convinced that the younger generation may behave better for higher education so the future of this nation could be brighter one day. But seriously, who am i kidding with?