I'm a married man so it is no longer applicable to me, but in the past I dated girls from other countries and through those relationships I became a much better speaker of their languages. People on italki seem to be dismissive or judge with suspicion those who seek romance on this website, and perhaps rightly so, but is romance not a legitimate means of improving language competency?
When I lived in Japan I came across plenty of girls who wanted to date Westerners primarily to improve their English level (yes there were many girls who had other motives too*). Is this a legitimate route to higher language competency?
I'm interested in hearing all points of view:
Have you ever benefitted from improving your linguistic level through dating?
Are you a linguistic assassin who always trains their cupid's arrow on those who speak your target language?
Have you ever been the "victim" of a linguistic assassin who was dating you only for your language and then who left you once you had ceased to be useful for them?
Or are you or have you been in a simbiotic relationship where both of you linguistically feed off each other?
Let's hear thoughts from all sides.
*Best discussed elsewhere
I think romance can definitely be a good thing for learning languages. Not only can it prompt you to want to learn a new language (one you may otherwise never have learned), but it can provide good inspiration. Someone might be more interested and motivated to learn a language because someone they care about speaks that language.
However, I don't think dating for the sake of learning a language is a good idea. It seems disingenuous to me. Effective? Perhaps, but there are many ways to go about learning a language that don't involve deceiving people. Friendship, for example, is probably a better route.
Romance on italki specifically is suspicious to me, mostly because this doesn't seem like the best platform. I would hope someone would be on here for language purposes and if something so happened to develop over time... well, that's a different story. Signing up for italki with the intent of romance? Fishy when you recall there are dozens of other websites out there that are actually designed for - you guessed it - romance.
That's just my opinion, having never been in a one-sided relationship where one person leeched language exposure from the other with the sole intent of language learning.
I think, it's about time Italki opened up "linguistic assassins's club" and "victims's forum "sections on Italki.
BTW, I would make a "linguistic assassin" expression the phrase of the day.
I think I may have been victim of a linguist assassin...LOL! There was no dating involved.
She was a lovely lady, but I showed no interest in her, because I just wanted to improve my language skills. Sounds familiar? That was my first mistake.
There were hints from her, but I pretended not to understand. I'm an expert at doing that..LOL! That was my second mistake.
The conversations tended to be one-sided in her favour. That was my third mistake.
Like a typical language assassin, the excuses started to rain in about not being able to have a language exchange. I had now become an irritation and was surplus to requirements. I wasn't playing ball. That was my fourth mistake.
Then one day out of the blue, she told me she was going away with a new partner for three months. She thanked me for improving her language skills and was now able to communicate with her new partner. I had become a dating agency. Fifth mistake.
I felt violated and used. I drank more milk out of frustration. It was now over. But it was good while it lasted and to be honest, I expected this to happen.
So, Englishgeek, I would like to be a founding member of the Language Assassins Club. Or maybe I should start the Language Teasers Club, for people like me, who give false hope in order to continue their language learning.
@James - Great topic; hopefully it will stay up for a while. To answer you questions:
1) romance is a legitimate means of improving language competency (by legitimate I mean both acceptable and efficient)
2) Japanese girls dating Westerners primarily to improve their English are taking a legitimate route to higher language competency
3) I have benefitted from improving my linguistic level through dating
4) I'm not a "linguistic assassin" who <em>always</em> dates those who speak my target language, but I <em>often</em> do. As long as nobody gets hurt, I see no problem with it.
5 & 6) I have been the "victim" of a linguistic assassin, but it's always been somewhat simbiotic, and only ended when one of us needed to leave the country. In fact, I'm the victim right now in Japan (yay!), and it will end when I leave the country tomorrow. We're both very happy with the situation.
@Quincy - Whether it's sincere or not, or even efficient or not, depends on the specific situation. If both parties are aware and happy about it, why not? Anyway, my point is that I think you should put some caveats on your arguments. I do agree that one shouldn't join italki if she has no intention of learning a language.
if it's not pretending to like someone because they speak some language, then there is no harm done.
and this question is like, "would you rather be a good friend or bf/gf?" when a bf/gf does not exclude the possibility that this person is at the same time also your best friend.
so, there is no contradiction in being in love with someone who speaks some language, and you having more inspiration to learn that language because of it.
