a piece of Bilingual Prose & poem

Excuse me，but I would like to ask whether we discuss some proses translations in this group？Because I think translating a poem is kind of too tricky，maybe a poetical prose could be more easierly.

It is not a literally translation，but a paraphrase。I want it to be beautiful and authentic first，and then faithful and accurate。Let me have a try first：

 

题目：流星零落不成雨，遑问当时已惘然。

title：a meteor can't be the tear-rain，no matter it is a shame even at the beginning

A single/lonely streak I saw, is no meteor shower.  I asked myself leisurely and unexpectedly.

There are so many meanings of 惘然, from disappointment, perplexity, doubtfulness, worried, wondering puzzlement, listless, etc. so I just chose one of them.

 

*1*世上总有一些人，与你一见如故，或一知倾心。

有时候，你们成为挚友；有时候，你们坠入热恋。 

There always are some people in the world，with whom you soon hit it off，or fall in love at the first sight。

With some of them you become intimate friends，with some others you become crazy lovers。

There will always be people in the world whom you hit off with or love at first sight.

Sometimes, just friends, and other times, falling head over heels in love.

 

*2*恋人，总是有美好也有缺憾，有独特也有平凡。

*3*因平凡而理解，因独特而惊喜；因美好而吸引，因有缺憾而平易相对，互补共进。

A lover，is always having both good and bad traits，both distinctive and common features.

A lover can be great but also an albatross on your neck; A whirlwind of passion or just a calm of the ordinary. 

 

The commonness makes your sympathesis,while the distinctiveness gives you surprise.The merits attract you，while the defects  make you to built a relationship in a complementary and equal way which could better you two together.

Ordinary is because you reason and yet their uniqueness brings you bewilderment.  This is because beauty fascinates you.  Without the ordinary to compare, there will be no wonder.

 

*4*也许，敢疯狂，只因敢静止，只因始相逢便知无尽善；相爱时凝其华彩以助兴，分离后念其黯淡以舐伤。宛若两条河流，瀑布万丈跌落而不虑粉身碎骨，也许，只因流水不尽，此崖过后仍可风景迤逦流转两岸。

But maybe you can be so courageous just because you know how to stop it and walk away since you know there is no perfect guy even at the beginning of you met. Focusing on the bright side to enhance your love,and perceiving the dark sides to get rid of the past stories .Just like a river during its flowing,the waterfall makes a sheer drop of thousands of feets without worrying about being broken up.The major reason is there will be another splendid scene afterwards.

Perhaps, you are able to indulge in madness, you are able to walk from it all in calmness.  When you are love, you concentrate on the best and when you leave, you think of their worst and lick your wounds. It's like two rivers concoursing through, falling together as one waterfall with no regard of the eventual splattering consequence.  Perhaps it is the spectacular result seen from both banks as one continuous scene.

 

*5*不畏夏日烧灰成烬，只因深秋亦可银钩再赏；不惧冬月冻身成凌，或为春晓亦有星辉化沐。就算无日无月亦无辰，又何妨秉烛画影，舞剑独欢。

*6*这是我曾经做过，亦敢日后再为的事情。

Maybe you never scared to be burnt into ashes in the summer sun，because you can revive like a phonix in the moonlight of the late autumn;you never afraid of being frozen into a snowman in the freezing winter because you can get thawed in the dawn of spring. Even there is no sunshine or moonlight or starlight at all，you can also have a sward dance with your shadow with a candal.

 

This is what I have done in the past and can do in the future.

 

There is no fear of the summer sun turning you into ashes, as you know you will enjoy the silver crescent of the moon in deep autumn.  There is no fear of being turned into an icicle by the wintery moon, for there is always the starlight spring to wash away your woes.  Even when the sun is gone, the moon vanished and the hours/stars have disappeared, you can always have your sword dance with your shadow by the candlelight.

 

'tis I had done in the past, I am not afraid to do so once more in the future.

 

*7*可是，却有这样一个人，他完美无暇，他剔透恒远；我曾那样默默地注视，他不是风景，而是天河。

他像一颗流星，滑过我的天际，而就这样遁入黑夜，自此再无影踪。

But this was one person,he was perfect like a crystal and bright like the eternal Milky Way  in my affectionate but silent gaze. 

liking a shooting star flying through my night sky he just disappeared forever.

 

However, there is such a person, so flawless and perfect and able to see through the future.  Once I too in silence gazing at him.  He is no mere scenery but the Milky Way.  He was like a streaking meteor, acrossing my horizon and disappeared into the darkness.  Henceforth nary a trace I see of him.

 

Great piece of creative writing. 

Literal translation, my figurative interpretation

 

寐觉                  Bedtime Thoughts

 

魂栖墨海滑新泪，  My soul dwells in the inky ocean, slipped into/made smooth new tears

                        My soul dwells in the murky sea made from my fresh tears.

影悼湿苔染狷狂。  Shadow fear/cautious wet moss tainted cautious/extreme bravery 1

                        My shadow falls on the wet moss with extreme/cautious bravery

陨坠千年谁是客，  falling from the sky descending thousand years who is the guest

                        I fall into the river of time for a thousand years wondering if I'm just a guest.

尘光万里幻星床。  dust/mortal world light ten thousand miles fantasy star bed.

                        My bed, light from endless miles of the mortal world or of the stars?

 

1. I don't know if you are referring to being cautious or extreme. I suppose you are using the ancient meaning of 狂 as bravery instead of reckless.

I have a feeling you are using Chuang Tzu's philosophical question of his butterfly dream.  Hence I "translated interpreted" this way. I can feel your powerful emotion regardless if my translation or yours is accurate or not!  Great job.  Indeed you have an astral soul.

 

 

 

A Monologue Of A Meteorite 

 

My soul flew across the sky like a tear dropped in the inky sea；Wrong comparison in English of the same thing flying in the air is like dropping into the ocean.

 

My shadow became tough and isolated in the ancient wet moss；

Now I woke up but confused after being asleep for a thousands of years.

Is Has the brightly lit street became my Milky Way or is there the counter change？This makes no sense I would omit the underlined sentence