The Toad, the Turtle, and the Duck is a short story by david sedaris (prefers his name spelt without capitals) about a group of complete strangers bitterly discussing the order of things within the animal kingdom. This is my first time reading this story. It gets a bit dark towards the end. I hope you enjoy it. Send me a message for your free pdf copy of this book to follow along. The complaint line started at the edge of the swamp and stretched westward, ending, where the turtle finally arrived, at the base of a charred pine stump. He fell into place behind a glassy-eyed toad and had just commenced a jaw-aching yawn when a duck showed up and took the position behind him, muttering, “What a bunch of idiots.” The turtle, his mouth still open, nodded in agreement. “This is my second time in this line, can you believe it?” groused the duck. “First they told me I wouldn’t need any ID, then, after I waited almost three hours, this ball-busting river rat goes, ‘I’m sorry, sir, but if you don’t have some form of identification, there’s nothing I can do.’ “I was, like, ‘Why the hell didn’t you tell me that earlier?’ And she was all, ‘If you can’t be civil, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave.’ ” The turtle groaned in sympathy, as something similar had once happened to him. “It’s the oldest trick in the book,” he said. “They screw up, but somehow you’re the problem.”