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Diana Kravchenko
Could you correct my essay, please?
Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
I totally disagree with the people who think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals for couple of reasons.
First of all, we are not alone in this planet, and all creatures in this world want to live. A few centuries ago we also were a part of the wild nature. I suppose we all should remember this fact and respect animals. If people use all the lands for them, it will be impossible for other species to survive. As humans, we have a responsibility to let other creatures to live in the natural environment.
Second of all, in my opinion, the problem of land for more housing and industry must be solved with other ways, which is more constructive. Cities can be planned using modern technologies, that use optimum land, saving the Earth for endangered animals.
To conclude, I consider that all people should save our amazing nature, and, of course, they have to remember that other species have as much right as we have to be here.
17 de ago. de 2020 8:21
Correcciones · 4
1
Could you correct my essay, please?
Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
I disagree with the people who think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals for a couple of reasons.
First of all, we are not alone on this planet, and all creatures in this world want to live. A few centuries ago, we also were a part of <s style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 0);">the </s>wild nature. I suppose we all should remember this fact and respect animals. If people use all the lands for them, it will be impossible for other species to survive. As humans, we have a responsibility to let other creatures to live in the natural environment.
Second of all, in my opinion, the problem of land for more housing and industry must be solved in other ways, which is more constructive. Cities can be planned using modern technologies using optimum land and save <s style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 0);">the</s> land for endangered animals.
To conclude, I consider that all people should save our amazing nature, and, of course, they have to remember that other species have as much right as we have to be here.
17 de agosto de 2020
1
Could you correct my essay, please?
Some people think that the <s>human</s> need<s style="background-color: rgb(250, 204, 204);">s</s> for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
I totally disagree with the people who think that the human need<s style="background-color: rgb(250, 204, 204);">s</s> for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals (1) for couple of reasons.
First of all, we are not alone on <s>in</s> this planet, and all of the creatures in this world want to live ("need somewhere to live" is better in this context). A few centuries ago we <s>also</s> were also a part of the wild nature(2). I believe <s>suppose</s> ("suppose" is a bit informal for an essay) we <s>all</s> should all remember this fact and respect animals. If people use all the lands for themselves, it will be impossible for other species to survive. As humans, we have a responsibility to let other creatures <s>to</s> live in the natural environment.
Secondly <s>of all</s>, in my opinion, the problem of land for more housing and industry must be solved <s>with</s> in other ways, <s>which is</s> that are more constructive. Cities can be planned using modern technologies, that optimise the use of <s>use optimum</s> land, saving the Earth for endangered animals(3).
To conclude, I think <s>consider</s> that all people should save our amazing nature, and of course, they have to remember that other species have as much right as we have to be here. ("as much right to be here as we do" is better)
(1) I realise this in an introductory statement and that you are outlining your argument against the question, which is good. However, rather than "saving land for endangered animals", a better way to put this would be:
"... more important than providing safe habitats for endangered animals", or "... more important than the destruction of habitats crucial to the survival of endangered species".
(2) This is a slightly awkward sounding sentence. "A few centuries ago we also lived in the wild", or "Not that long ago we lived alongside the natural world, rather than trying to control it".
(3) "Protecting habitats for endangered species" is better.
This is a very well written essay, well done! It sounds natural, reads well and you have managed the essay format without any issues. Most of my corrections are to help some.parts sound a little bit more natural. Good work :)
A couple of points on the actual essay:
- it specifically asks for examples, so you might want to add something about the need for food versus the impact of farming, etc.
- sometimes it's good to play "devils advocate". I.e. propose a different position, like "we need more food which requires space". Then you can argue against that point: "but the earth will be destroyed and we'll have nowhere to live if we don't look after the environment"
17 de agosto de 2020
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Diana Kravchenko
Competencias lingüísticas
Inglés, Alemán, Ruso, Ucraniano
Idioma de aprendizaje
Inglés, Alemán
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