Red for what I'd definitely change.
Green for what I'd suggest.
Blue for me speaking to you.
This is another drawing that I started sketching at a party whilst people were yelling at me for being so antisocial. (Wouldn't you agree Nicole? Haha)
Anyway, I was stuffing myself with cherry bonbons at home when I thought I could make something out of those poor bonbon wrapping papers that were halfway to the rubbish bin.
There is an actual bonbon next to her hair with chocolate and all.(we might say "with chocolate and everything").. At least there <em>was</em> until my mom ate it up!
Use capitals after full stops, exclamation and question marks; always capitalise people's first, middle and last names.
Some people will argue with the use of "whilst" saying it's "archaic" but I like it and I still use it. (Much in the same vein as "amongst" instead of "among").
There's nothing wrong with using "mom" it's just American English.
It depends on where a person is from in the UK as to if they say mum or mam.
I'm from the north east, so I say "mam".
I used to like cherry bonbons :)
Right, I'm off to check my focaccia, I've just made some for the first time and it's "crunch time" literally.
Wrapping paper
Hey guys, could you point out the mistakes I made in this text, please?
This is another drawing I started sketching at a party while people would yell were yelling <em>(tense agreement with started)</em> at me for being so unsociable. (wouldn't don't you agree Nicole? Haha)
Anyway, I was stuffing myself with cherry bonbons at home when I thought I could make something out of those poor bonbon wrapping papers that were halfway to the rubbish bin.
There is an actual bombom <em>(what is a bombom?)</em> next to her hair with chocolate and all... at least there WAS until my mom ate it up!
<em>unsociable: not enjoying or making an effort to behave sociably in the company of others</em>
<em>unsocial: usually used in 'unsocial hours' - outside normal working hours</em>
Wrapping paper
Hey guys, could you point out the mistakes I made in this text, please?
This is another drawing I started sketching at a party while people would yell at me for being so unsocial. ( wouldn't you agree nicole? Haha)
Anyway, I was stuffing myself with cherry bonbons at home when I thought I could make something out of those poor bonbon wrapping papers that were halfway to the rubbish bin.
There is an actual bombom next to her hair with chocolate and all... At least there WAS until my mom ate it up!
Hi, Isadora - very good. The main words in the title should be in initial capitals. You changed tense in the first sentence - mentioned 'started' (past tense) and then instead of 'yelled' you changed to future tense 'would yell' so just need to be consistent. Names - Nicole, for example - need to be in initial capitals. Bonbon is a spelling mistake, I think. WE don't say 'ate it up' just 'ate it' . You may say to a young child "eat it all up' meaning finish all your dinner. Apart from that we would not use 'eat up' very often.
Wrapping Paper
Hey guys, could you point out the mistakes I made in this text, please?
This is another drawing I started sketching at a party while people yelled (would yell) at me for being so unsocial. ( wouldn't you agree Nicole? Haha) Anyway, I was stuffing myself with cherry bonbons at home when I thought I could make something out of those poor bonbon wrapping papers that were halfway to the rubbish bin. There is an actual bonbon (bombom) next to her hair with chocolate and all... At least there WAS until my mother/mum (mom) ate it (up) !
